THIS IS (not) FILM - LIFE MODELING @St. Martins - Fashion Drawing with Peter T.

The most fun, bold, exciting classes I have worked for.
You have not done it all, if you have not life  modeled for Peter T, fashion drawing class -  believe me.
From military exercise training before class, to cant be too bothered teenage students to gay male beauties commenting on my the perfection of  m y pubic line in spanish -  it all gets VERY exciting at Peters classes.

I dont think I ever had such a clear complimentary description/study of my own body as in these classes, as per Peter:

_ "... Angela has a incredibly well proportioned body for a female fashion structure: a incredibly  elongated torso, a beautiful high nipple line (I think this means small breasts), and a natural graciosity in her posture ( thanks for all those ballet years -  at least someone sees it))  -  he did not mentioned anything about the legs ( yeah lets just forget the short legs)..."

- " ... and know Angela, will give us a beautiful, elegant ballet pose ... beautiful, enjoy and work ..."

And so much fun and sometimes disbelief, to ear what 16 year olds say/think these days. Very exciting, but I dont think I could survive teenage mentality for another set of hours in a row. At some point I feel I would just go mad and start slapping these incredible annoying "cant be bothered - why is everything such a drag - faces " (!)

But there were some really nice kids, from China, Korea and Pakistan. I am afraid there is something incredible wrong with european teenage mentality: sex and money (as some of the top priorities)

A brief story of the classes below.

run, LATE

pre class MANDATORY ballet exercise

Yao's penci case

waiting between poses

Angela into fashion figure drawing

(modeling my Comme de Garcons blazer + Atelier 64 dress)

Cheeky Felipe

Felipe + Antonio -  a spanish challenge for the class

I want to see 4 good sketches

at end of class

Peeeeteeereerrr ...

(how can I get accepted at central st. martins (?) -  for the 3000 zillion time )

go away - class is over (!)

Peter T.

This IS Love - 9 years and 60 reasons

This morning when I woke up, after M. left, I found 10 pages on his side of the bed.

I am not over sentimental, neither the girly type to cry -  but this one left me in tears,  a feeling of explosion in my heart - too much beauty.

We spoke and reflected recently why we got together and I told him how sometimes I did not really understood how he could love me so unconditionally. In this gesture I am clearly reminded, why I am giving my life to this beautiful soul.

I am so deeply thankful

for having you in my life

you are so incredibly beautiful,

and strong, and true

I love your soul

it inspires me so deeply

everyday

much, much, much Love

:))))) 

Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of reasons why I love you Angela.

1.

I love how I can easily  write down SIXTY!, not 10, not 15, not 20, SIXTY! reasons why I love you.

2.

I love that you are strange, like a person from another world sometimes that I can't figure out, like a dream. But like a dream I love how I can't ever stop thinking about you until I understand you.

3.

I love that we met in an acting class in Prague. Every time I tell someone that story they always look at me like it was an incredible thing to happen, especially after I tell them that you were Portuguese and I came all the way from South Africa. 

4.

I love that you held my hand and never let go as we travelled and explored Prague and Germany and now London. I love that we took that journey together because I think it is special and unique and I will never do so with anyone else again as long as I live.

5.

I love seeing you grow over the years we’ve been together. I love how I have seen you become more sensitive, more generous, more caring and a deeper human being than the person I fell in love with.

6.

I love that you are creative and artistic and always dreaming and creating and that you need some way to express yourself.

7.

I love your blog, how rich and varied it is and how it gives me a chance to see the beauty inside you. 

8. 

I love when you sit there working in your photos.  I love the look on your face, don't ask me to explain it, I just love it, not everything needs to be analysed.

9.

I love seeing you naked in the shower in the mornings. I don't love that you never let me shower with you!

10. 

I love your integrity, how you always are honest with people and true to yourself no matter the consequences/ .

11. 

I love how you protected that poor New Zealand girl at Whistles and that you spend time with lonely, sometimes grumpy Jennifer. 

12.

I love how you always say what you think and speak your mind.  

13. 

I love all the photographs that  you are taking. I love how you are trying to record your life. I hope you never stop because one day I look forward to seeing it and remembering. 

14. 

I love and envy that you can draw so well.

15.

I love that sound you make whenever you see a dog. It makes me love you even more. 

16. 

I love how you hide behind me and hold onto me like your life depended on it whenever you see a pigeon. 

17.

I love how you treat my parents with love and respect. I love that my mom is your friend. 

18. 

I love how you forced me to stop feeling sorry for myself and write again. 

19.

I admire how you want to go to New York and pursue your dancing dream.

20.

I love your dress style. 

21.

I love how you can be elegant and sophisticated but still remain down to earth and unpretentious. 

22.

I love how you are never common or tacky.

23.

I love how you are always exploring what it means to be Angela. I love seeing you make progress.

24.

I love that you have an extraordinary, vast, rich inner world that I can see in everything you create and every time you tell me about your dreams about the sea which is a recurring theme in your life. You know how much I love that sea!

25.

I love that you are equally balanced between an extrovert and an introvert and how you easily you can move between the two. I am amazed because I am mostly only one type. 

26.

I love how you have a special box with Tarot cards at home, even if it freaks me out a little bit.

27.

I love that you accept me for who I am, the way I am and that you are understanding and patient even tough who I am is sometimes annoying. 

28.

I love that you thought I was worthy enough to fall in love with in Prague. 

29.

I love that when you are happy you just start singing and dancing like a gypsy at home in the living room. I love how happy you make me to see you like that.

30.

I am proud of your free-spirt and independence and that you are following your heart. 

31. 

I love that you value experience and self-knowledge over money.

32.

I love how  strong you can be and how fragile you can be.

33.

I love that you made me think about this because I am enjoying thinking of all the little things that make you special, and it is the reason why I can never tell you just one thing I love about you. it is all these things I am writing and so much more that I will never have the words for. 

34.

I love how expressive your eyes are. I love the warmth in it.

35.

I love how sensual your mouth is. And how when you really like the taste of something you chew with your mouth open. 

36.

I love how your nose is strong and how sharp your sense of smell is. 

37.

I love how you supported me when I started to write. I love that you gave me the first idea for one of my stories. 

38.

I love how you have grown to be even more strong now than the person I fell in love with all those years ago. 

39.

I love how when I first met you I found you mysterious. I love how after all these years, I still do. 

40. 

I love how we have a history that can never be replaced. I love how we spent some of the best years of our lives together. How we have grown and the people we have become. 

41.

I love how we never let go of each other, even when things were hard sometimes. I love how we have always kept our promise to hold each other’s hands as we walk through this life. I can't imagine holding any one else’s hand ever. 

42.

I love how small your hands are. How they fit so well in mine. I love to warm them up when they are cold. 

43.

I love the sound of your laughing, like rain falling on my soul when I am tired and feeling down. 

44.

I love how sometimes you look at me like you are a little girl and I am your best friend in all the world. 

45.

I love how you are my absolute best friend in the world that I have ever had or that I will ever need. I love that I can tell you things I can't tell anyone else. I love how I can bring my troubles to you, even though that doesn't come naturally to me. I love how I feel lighter after I have shared them with you. 

46.

I love how you make me want to be better than I think I am and how you always believe in me, even when I don't. 

47.

I love how you feel when you’re in my arms, and how I feel like I am home.

48.

I love the sound of you walking up the stairs, the sound of your key turning in the door, and seeing your face when you walk into he living room and I have been waiting for you. My heart would break into a million pieces if I have never saw you coming home again.

49.

I love how you are cheeky and give me attitude and how we can play and tease each other. I love our fights too.

50.

I love how you act like a kid and never share your food when it is something really yummy, how you refuse to even give me the tiniest bite. 

51.

I love how beautiful you look when you dance, how your eyes seem to be staring at some secret undiscovered world that no one else will ever get you see. I love how peaceful and serene and content you look when you dance. It is beautiful to me.

52.

I love that you know me better than anyone else in the world. I love how think I know you better than anyone else in the world. I love how am learning to know what you are thinking, just by looking at your face. 

53.

I love that you are healthy and happy and with me and I can only be grateful and pray it will always be so.

54.

I love that you are my ideal of a woman: free-spirited, open minded, free thinking, independent, curious, strong sometimes, fragile sometimes, beautiful to look at and with a big, strong, brave and caring heart. 

55.

I love that so much of the child will always be alive in you.

56.

I love how beautiful you always look to me, and that you never believe when I tell you, and that maybe you never ever, ever believe me no matter how many times I tell you. I think you are a hottie my beautiful Angela.

57.

I love the strangeness of your ideas.

Like how you don't want me to call you mine. 

Like how you are so fatalistic always. 

Like how you think you are so tough and independent but cried when I said I loved you for the first time.

58.

I love how you come to me with your problems, and how I feel when some times I can help you and make you feel better.

59.

I love and never regret a single minute we have spent together and I look forward to all the ones to come.

60.

I love even the things that annoy me about you. All those little quirks. All the bad habits. I love them because they are part of you and make you who you are and that without them you would be someone different, someone else not the person I fell in love with and still love and love and love. 

61.

I love how you are a true original. How you see and feel the world like no one else I have ever met. I Iove how you follow no one else but your own heart. 

62.

I love how you are humble enough to learn new things and about yourself as you go through life. I love how you can make realisations and discover things and that you are always changing the longer I know you. 

63.

I love that I am lucky enough to spend my life with you. Every day, minute and second. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

64.

I love the connection that we have. That spark that made us fall in love with one another in Prague. I love that its still alive and that it has grown into a bond stronger than I ever thought was possible. I love that its still here. I love that belief I had when I first started to get to know you is still here and alive and healthy and well inside me. All those years ago, I couldn't have known when I first met you, all I had then was this feeling, this faith and belief that you were the only one for me.

65.

I love that this list could go on if I thought about more things I love about you. Little things like how you still have the same first as when we first arrived and you never needed another one. I could list those and probably never stop writing. 

66. 

I love how this list can grow the longer we spend together.

67.

I love you Angela. I just do. Its like when I first met you and I felt like you were the one person I could stay with forever. It was just a feeling. You couldn't think and analyse it. it just was. I still have that feeling about you. That is all there is to know about my love for you. That feeling when I first met you. That’s why I love you. It is all the reasons and where all of the reasons come from -  from my love to you.

This IS Film - MA fine art video shot (short stories)

A short story for this work - I shoot a small movement sequence for a students MA fine art project.

We shot in a black box studio -  nice -  and used a photo electron camera - which slows motion and breaks movement beautifully.

The sequence was mostly running, one of my favorites performance movement/ theatrical elements. I look forward to see the video.

Heres the short story -  short -   not so much time to shoot.

L. dogs appeared suddenly and tryed to steal our big pack of crips - I got him on camera - sweet ^^ (!)

LOVE is A FISH/SEAFOOD SOUP

M. knows my favorite food dishes is Yoshi's clear seafood soup - I always make excuses to end up eating at Yoshi - and M. always reminds me how eccentric and expensive is to eat Japanese food almost every night.

So, yesterday - I was so tired after work -  I came home and he surprise me with his own dinner creation: he invented his own seafood soup version - because he knows I love it.

It was actually delicious -  but even more because it had so much love and care in it.
He just wanted to make me happy that evening.

So another precious line to my own personal love phrase book:  " Love is .... a bowl of seafood/ fish soup... " " your love felt like a warm, conforting, delicious meal that feed me that night "

you are always with me
Thank you
xxx

WHY do BAD things happen to GOOD people (?) (!)

M. just told me, one of his mothers best friends, Vera -  has just discovered she has lung cancer.
We were so socked, all of us - Vera is a Buddhist and a vegetarian for the past 3o years, always so kind, so generous and so health careful ( she is always taking care of everyone) -  such a kind , beautiful soul - why (?) (?) (?)

Why do bad things happen to good people (?)
Vera all the love in the world for you and please remember our toughths, hearts and strength are with you.

The body is so week, unpredictable, unreliable
and still it  has the enormous responsibility  of containing the soul

We overlook,
keep on forgetting the importance of the body
(we dont eat, dont rest, dont listen to the body)
and still nothing can be done
in this life
without a body

The body scares me sometimes
my own too
and I fear
sometimes
for m own week body

My own body
who at the age of 14
let me down so bad

my spine injury
I had to quit so many years of ballet training
the ballet academy
and a promising  future ( my teachers said)
and my dream
at the time

I could never dance ballet again
professionally

I was left with a different
asymmetric body
for many years I did not know what to do with my new body
how to use it to dance again

so for so many years
I forgot about my own body
and my dreams


The body
is so precious

To Vera,
with Love
xxx

ITS DONE - OCTOBER IS NY BUTOH :))))

:))))))
all booked, all payed
October is going to be New York, at the CAVE arts and performance center and butoh intensive with   Yukio Suzuki + Leimay 2x week workshops
now is work, work, work till them to get money to eat
(but who cares about eating when u will be in Brooklyn (?) (!))

^^ ----- ^^
(cant wait)
Thank you.
Life is EXCITING (!)

The day that I die

Had this persistent peaceful thought for a while now, the day that I die I would like to say goodbye to this music. The last sound on this life, because it touches me so deeply the poetry, the beauty of this song: Ultima by Alain Marcus.

And the moment I leave this body I am hoping I am going to see something like this. So much space, so much freedom, so much peace, so much fulfillment.

To A. pls acept my thank you for creating and sharing this wonderful piece of work .

Thank you and peace.

ART - pathos the evocation of sympathy vs pornography (technique and high definiton) in art

M. went trought my photos and what a compliment: these are the words he used to describe my photo work: evocative.

Many people seem to compliment my photo work these days -  I dont take it too seriously ( typically, like all my work - I dont take it too seriously, this way is easy to maintain total freedom of expression -  anulating fear of mistakes or failure - I set myself free to explore mistakes too.

M. uses his own definition of pathos (greek word) to describe how my work feels for him -  on his own words:  you are drawn in and want to know more ... it evokes my mind and imagination ... I start asking questions and building stories with you images ( reasonably as he is a writer).

And from this conversation he went to another very interesting point: what is art (?) how should be supposed to feel (?) he says anything who creates a evocative reaction on him has or is ART potential -  and a good way to really understand this truthful evocation feeling is to look as so many called ART today - a piece of high definition, of brilliance technique - a piece of visual, mental PORNOGRAPHY -  and by pornography M. explains - he means a piece of art where all is so explicit or technically brilliant that there was no space left for the viewer personal evocation : the viewer stares, but feels no need to question, to wonder, to explore - This is NOT ART.

I STRONGLY agree.

( he choose this photo to write a short story)

THIS IS WORK - V. Goodman atelier session (Ali Farka soundtrack)

Usually I refuse private atelier work -  for obvious reason.

But  I was really looking forward to work with this particular painter, as the work was really good.
My gut feeling accurate as ever -  the day was perfect and the work exciting.

The atmosphere is much more intimate, but also surprisingly much more relaxing  - and incredibly I am able to pauses between posing time (great (!).

The poses tought were (some) physically demanding - this is where my asthanga comes into help: legs + back and torso tensions - no problem (!) -  still it is really this more poetic but physically demanding work I LOVE to do anyway, as there is a strong connection with movement and expression.

longer sustained arm poses involving weight and lifts- still room for improvement - more asthanga on the way (!)

I really like V. work - the strong but natural use of colour, the boldness of the size of the compositions and especially, the kinda off serene dynamic energy in the paintings.

We were looking for movement and body expression/tension - so the beg. of the session started with me being free to create a series of short very dynamic/intense/movement poses (just what I love doing ).
I used a lot of butoh -  no one in London seems to know what it is - but all get really fascinated with the concept.

The 5 hours went fast, especially at the sound of Ali Farka Toure albums on Spotify - a perfect days work - what else could I ask for (?)

In the end looking at the drawings produced, I feel I start to be able to identify the natural quality of my body/movement  3 words come to my mind: poetic, fluid and a kind of soft intensity.

Here are a few shoots of  some of my  fav. drawings from V. (full story to come later),
Thank you.

V. CAN Draw (!) (!) (!)

3 minute pose aprox.

(butoh inspired)

5 minute pose aprox.

(classic + butoh  inspired -  expressing torso +arm fluidity )

5 minute pose aprox.

(butoh  inspired -  paying attention to the composition of the hand)

5 minute pose aprox.

( butoh  inspired -  paying attention to the expression of the hand)

(V. drawing suddenly changing to Egon Schiele style)

5 minute pose aprox.

(butoh  inspired -  exploring idea of collapsing / falling -part 1)

(paying attention to the expression  of hands, feet and head)

(very Egon Schiele style)

5 minute pose aprox.

(butoh  inspired -  exploring idea of collapsing / falling -part 2)

(playing with compositional possibilities with feet + hands)

(very Egon Schiele style)

THIS IS MUSIC - Ali Farka Toure

My latest musical love finding: Ali Farka Toure.
I discovered this  great man music  while working for a painter -  it was a amazing work session, 5 hours posing and listen to Ali Farka Toure non-stop. I could listen to it non stop for days - and I am -  2x albums straight to my I-POD.

His music is a powerful, joyful, healing blend of traditional north african music with blues and arabic influences. When I listen to it, my body smiles all : the hands, the arms, the fingers, the head, the torso, the feet - and it really feels like all the body parts are awaken to a kind of healing joy - and the different arts of the body start to talk (move) naturally, fluidly with each other.

It as if, while listening to this music, the body rediscover a very ancient, natural form of speech. And even trough the language barrier ( of course I dont understand north african dialect), there is such a stronger spiritual, human message in the music, that clearly comes trough different ages, races, beliefs, because I cant imagine anyone listening to this music and not feeling good inside.

Thank you for letting me discover this man and his art.
Thank you for all good, all the beauty, all the humanity still existing in the world.

This IS FILM - Monday Tango Pratica

Mondays are always loooooong days ... leaving home 7.30 for my weekly asthanga follow up (self practice) and returning home after the Tango pratica anything between 12.00 and 1.00 am.

Its really a punch start of the week. But I must say, asthanga has made such a difference , it really energizes me for the all day - better late, them ever - I found my energy balance secret.

Finishing the day with Tango practise is always so nice, especially since the I had the pleasure to be adopted (kinda off) by the lively Germans ( Lukas, Gabriel and Jana) - theyre great (!) def. makes Tango more fun.

Just a couple of shoots of the last pratica -  featuring Miss Jana,  Mr Lukas, Grabriel, Joel (sorry I hope I got the name right).

Lukas and Joel

beautiful tango dance partners (!) (?)

he usually dances with me but this time I got swapped (lol)

Lukas teaching some basics to Joel -  he is an actor and doing a new project

 its own piece translating/fusing Shakespeare and Tango (Tango and Text)

he is a a very creative  Tango dancer

and I really like to dance together

he is fearless and very free in his approach,

so we always try new things

(really exciting) (!) 

and of course, my favorite male tango shoes in London

  Jana and Gabriel

Jana is a flower artist ( we are planning to do a project togheter) 

Gabriel does graphic design - he is really cool -  but he likes to wear tango followers distractive t-shirts (lol)

They are soooo nice :)))

Geill (!) (!) (!)