And so it is
2011 is here
I welcome it sincerely
with open arms
I happy with its arrival
because I know
deep inside
2011, 2011, 2011 :)))
it will bring ALL the rest of the dreams
that arrived late in 2010
it brings Good
and ALL dreams coming true
in 2011
WELCOME ^^
happiness
health
love
friends
joy
art
purpose
xxx
Friday 31 December 2010
@ WESTMINSTER ABBEY - its all just a stage
standing at Westminster today - a clear thought came - I just stood there, looking at chapel n. xxx and thinking - is JUST a STAGE, all this ( religion, society, relationships, careers, LIFE itself ), is just ONE big very good stage ...
And so, the realization flowed naturally to a bigger conclusion: all is really just a STAGE,we are all ACTORS and we all are constantly FIGHTING for our OWN stages - and so I will fight for MINE.
Love
Clarity
Respect
xxx
Thursday 23 December 2010
THIS is XMAS - HAPPY XMAS everybody ^^
Happy Xmas to everybody
thanks to everybody who arrived, stayed and left my life in 2010
and wishing all of you have:
- food on the table
- wine on the glass
- love in the heart
- health in the mind
- something to give
- something to receive
- and of course a eclectic XMAS playlist to listen to
heres my fav. this XMAS ^^
xxx
love !!!
thanks to everybody who arrived, stayed and left my life in 2010
and wishing all of you have:
- food on the table
- wine on the glass
- love in the heart
- health in the mind
- something to give
- something to receive
- and of course a eclectic XMAS playlist to listen to
heres my fav. this XMAS ^^
xxx
love !!!
1 - Santa Claus Is a Black Man - Akim & The Teddy Vann Production C.
2 - Guster - "¿Donde Esta Santa Claus?" [audio]
3 - Lindstrøm - Little Drummer Boy (Short Edit) [Rough Trade, 2009]
4 - Wishing You A Happy Christmas - The Hush Now
5 - Lightspeed Champion and Emmy The Great - Christmas In Prison
Wednesday 22 December 2010
THIS is LIFE - Your UNIQUE PURPOSE on LIFE is in no way created or classified by the beliefs of society as a whole, and society cannot help you find this truth
The whole winter solstice lunar eclipse alignments really had a impact on me.
On the 21th december 2010 were exactly 2 years from 21th December 2012 - when truth or not, it is said that EARTH planet center will be in direct alignment with the center of our galaxy - if true, little bit scary - what changes will this produce ?
The all happening made me look for more reading on the winter solstice happening and on what may represent: interesting but not without a degree of apprehension and fear - the unknown, what is about to happen ?
The article below, basically explains we just entered a energy that is all about realigning us to our REAL life purpose - and remind us more often than not that society has little or none contribution in directing us to the truth of ourselves, our REAL purpose, in fact as we all know it is most of the times the BIGGEST, FATAL obstacle in the process of finding meaningful purpose in life.
Basically my own belief - go and do what SOCIETY tell you to do - and soon you will be trapped in a empty, dissastified soulless life - of course, challenging SOCIETY rules, DISAGREEING with them or even BREAKING them makes us OUTCAST in a way, a untrusthy individual that cause apprehension and fear to the rest of the PACK - well, there is a price to find REAL purpose in life - it is usually a HIGH one - in our SOCIETY game there is no GREY - either you are ONE of US or you are AGAINST US.
Its not a easy path to stick to, but I believe one you really have not a choice if you ever feel inside you the CALL of TRUTH ( who am I - what is my purpose - what is that I need to do in this life?) - these are all questions I have been asking myself since probably my late teens - with the years I have come to find the answer is DEF. not STRAIGHTFORWARD - it seems to be a kind off complex puzzle in shape of your own personal journey - a ticket to a certain destination - where you have to look and find for the ticket itself, find the train, board in and take the journey.
Maybe, finding self alignment and purpose in life is more about this journey ( finding the ticket, finding the train and boarding in ), rather than some expected final destination.
Maybe, wanting as some sort of destination, goal, expectation is irrelevant in this life, as I more and more believe LIFE itself is a form of PURE INTELLIGENCE, that provide us with EXACTLY what we need at a certain time in out life's ( that would explain it all, wouldn't it ? ) - and being so, I find a LOT of STRENGTH in this simple and primal understanding:
" ... IT IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT it is WHAT YOU NEED - and be assured that WHAT YOU NEED LIFE ITSELF WILL PROVIDE YOU ..."
It does make life a lot more easier - or perhaps not !
------------------------------- Below some articles on the winter solstice possible meaning -----------------------
Disregarding some of NEW -AGE emo-overindulgence , still there is I believe a very REAL message to connect with all of us as human beings - because, independently of our differences - we all SHARE sat some level the same range of emotional and spiritual problems.
On the 21th december 2010 were exactly 2 years from 21th December 2012 - when truth or not, it is said that EARTH planet center will be in direct alignment with the center of our galaxy - if true, little bit scary - what changes will this produce ?
The all happening made me look for more reading on the winter solstice happening and on what may represent: interesting but not without a degree of apprehension and fear - the unknown, what is about to happen ?
The article below, basically explains we just entered a energy that is all about realigning us to our REAL life purpose - and remind us more often than not that society has little or none contribution in directing us to the truth of ourselves, our REAL purpose, in fact as we all know it is most of the times the BIGGEST, FATAL obstacle in the process of finding meaningful purpose in life.
Basically my own belief - go and do what SOCIETY tell you to do - and soon you will be trapped in a empty, dissastified soulless life - of course, challenging SOCIETY rules, DISAGREEING with them or even BREAKING them makes us OUTCAST in a way, a untrusthy individual that cause apprehension and fear to the rest of the PACK - well, there is a price to find REAL purpose in life - it is usually a HIGH one - in our SOCIETY game there is no GREY - either you are ONE of US or you are AGAINST US.
Its not a easy path to stick to, but I believe one you really have not a choice if you ever feel inside you the CALL of TRUTH ( who am I - what is my purpose - what is that I need to do in this life?) - these are all questions I have been asking myself since probably my late teens - with the years I have come to find the answer is DEF. not STRAIGHTFORWARD - it seems to be a kind off complex puzzle in shape of your own personal journey - a ticket to a certain destination - where you have to look and find for the ticket itself, find the train, board in and take the journey.
Maybe, finding self alignment and purpose in life is more about this journey ( finding the ticket, finding the train and boarding in ), rather than some expected final destination.
Maybe, wanting as some sort of destination, goal, expectation is irrelevant in this life, as I more and more believe LIFE itself is a form of PURE INTELLIGENCE, that provide us with EXACTLY what we need at a certain time in out life's ( that would explain it all, wouldn't it ? ) - and being so, I find a LOT of STRENGTH in this simple and primal understanding:
" ... IT IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT it is WHAT YOU NEED - and be assured that WHAT YOU NEED LIFE ITSELF WILL PROVIDE YOU ..."
It does make life a lot more easier - or perhaps not !
------------------------------- Below some articles on the winter solstice possible meaning -----------------------
Disregarding some of NEW -AGE emo-overindulgence , still there is I believe a very REAL message to connect with all of us as human beings - because, independently of our differences - we all SHARE sat some level the same range of emotional and spiritual problems.
Solstice Align the 21st for a powerful energetic opening!
Change is already in the air, and with the powerful upcoming full moon, lunar eclipse, and winter solstice alignment on December 21, 2010 this is only going to be amplified.
We're now only 2 years away from the much anticipated date of Dec 21 2012 and this does have a great significance! The upcoming full moon, winter solstice and total lunar eclipse of this year will be extra potent and powerful alignment, due to our now close location to the center of the galaxy.
The galactic center will be directly aligned with our sun on December 21 2012, but even now, the close proximity to this galactic center adds power, priority and frequency to the great changes already in the process of manifesting on Earth.
The galaxy center is said to be the center of the universe, the sun of our sun, and the place where stars and planets are born. It is the source of gravity in our universe, and also offers extra energy, motivation and purpose if we are able to correctly "tune in" to its power.
The main purpose of this years powerful energetic opening on December 21, is to assist you in fully opening your heart, mind, and physical body to successfully merge and align with the new energy. The benefit in this alignment is that it supports you in realigning with the original plan for your life, and the ability to fulfill this purpose. You are here on earth with a unique and special purpose, the astrological alignment of this year seeks to bring you back into full alignment with your unique divine path here on Earth.
Your unique purpose here on Earth is in no way created or classified by the beliefs of society as a whole, and society cannot help you find this truth. Rather, realigning with your true purpose here on Earth means realigning with the essence of who you are.
We're now only 2 years away from the much anticipated date of Dec 21 2012 and this does have a great significance! The upcoming full moon, winter solstice and total lunar eclipse of this year will be extra potent and powerful alignment, due to our now close location to the center of the galaxy.
The galactic center will be directly aligned with our sun on December 21 2012, but even now, the close proximity to this galactic center adds power, priority and frequency to the great changes already in the process of manifesting on Earth.
The galaxy center is said to be the center of the universe, the sun of our sun, and the place where stars and planets are born. It is the source of gravity in our universe, and also offers extra energy, motivation and purpose if we are able to correctly "tune in" to its power.
The main purpose of this years powerful energetic opening on December 21, is to assist you in fully opening your heart, mind, and physical body to successfully merge and align with the new energy. The benefit in this alignment is that it supports you in realigning with the original plan for your life, and the ability to fulfill this purpose. You are here on earth with a unique and special purpose, the astrological alignment of this year seeks to bring you back into full alignment with your unique divine path here on Earth.
Your unique purpose here on Earth is in no way created or classified by the beliefs of society as a whole, and society cannot help you find this truth. Rather, realigning with your true purpose here on Earth means realigning with the essence of who you are.
Challenges During Alignment
The December 2010 solstice, and even the 2012 solstice opening can be positive conduits for change here on Earth, but the results are not predetermined. Change is certain, but the eventual outcome is largely influenced by the collective thoughts, beliefs and actions of humanity. We humans have a clear choice... fear or love. Depending on how we respond to upcoming challenges will determine our collective future.
The energy of this month, especially around the powerful energy of the Solstice will shine light on all areas where you aren't fully centered in love and compassion.
What painful or challenging emotions from your past are still stored within you? In the energy this month, these feelings will come up! Anger, pain, sadness, frustration... these are great examples of what must be released from within you, so that you can fully integrate the light into your being, and stay in alignment with your true purpose. When you face these challenging emotions, give thanks for you are now able to fully release them into the light, and forever be lighter yourself!
Learning to respond with love in every situation will assure that you stay on your divine path, and accomplish what you came here to Earth to do!
What painful or challenging emotions from your past are still stored within you? In the energy this month, these feelings will come up! Anger, pain, sadness, frustration... these are great examples of what must be released from within you, so that you can fully integrate the light into your being, and stay in alignment with your true purpose. When you face these challenging emotions, give thanks for you are now able to fully release them into the light, and forever be lighter yourself!
Learning to respond with love in every situation will assure that you stay on your divine path, and accomplish what you came here to Earth to do!
Clearing and Preparing for 2012
e aware that you may feel raw, exposed and deeply challenged this month. As new challenges come up for you, along with old emotions to release... remember that your release work now, will enable you to stay centered in love, compassion, joy, and abundance as you move forward.
Releasing that which no longer serves you now, will set you up to be in a position to help others... as release work is moving from the optional category to being mandatory for all.
This time is about clearing karmic energy that resides within you at a cellular level. Tragic events from past lives can leave old emotions stored within you, that unless cleared, you will never be able to move beyond. This lifetime is your opportunity to clear your karmic record and begin the new age, starting in December 2012 with a clean slate!
As you navigate this month, remember that as humanity we are essentially all one, focus on being present in the now moment... respond to all situations with love, and start acting according to your inner truth, in an authentic way.
As 2012 approaches more quickly every day, we have an incredible opportunity to focus on love, and compassion for all beings. This love focus and true connection with Spirit is enough to overcome any challenge.
As 2012 approaches more quickly every day, we have an incredible opportunity to focus on love, and compassion for all beings. This love focus and true connection with Spirit is enough to overcome any challenge.
Tuesday 21 December 2010
THIS is ENERGY - no bullshit, moon changes are powerful energy swifts - one can really sense it
I know, I know, many of you think its bullshit, dreamy stuff, womans stuff - but lets get to the facts - how many managed to have a good night sleep yesterday ? many of my FB friends had post later yesterday night staying they could not sleep - its not a coincidence - yesterday it was one of the most powerful energetic swifts of the year - the Solstice Lunar Eclipse.
As for me, and as for always I can say I could not sleep - the energy is just to strong to be ignored - a strange sense of sensing this energy - mysterious, vague, half sleep half awake - but a strong sense of importance - the solstice energetic presence itself - felt clearly yesterday in my mind - reming me , remind us that a important time of swift has arrived.
And so we all go on , aware or not, in our own journeys
still it bothers me
it intrigues me
I cannot sleep
Solstice Lunar Eclipse
Late Monday Night, December 20th, 2011
As for me, and as for always I can say I could not sleep - the energy is just to strong to be ignored - a strange sense of sensing this energy - mysterious, vague, half sleep half awake - but a strong sense of importance - the solstice energetic presence itself - felt clearly yesterday in my mind - reming me , remind us that a important time of swift has arrived.
And so we all go on , aware or not, in our own journeys
still it bothers me
it intrigues me
I cannot sleep
Solstice Lunar Eclipse
Late Monday Night, December 20th, 2011
The Solstice time has come round again and as we prepare for another New Year we must take the old one into account as well. That is the message of the very important holiday season this year as we move closer yet to the tempestuous teens of this dawning 21st century. The Full Moon Lunar Eclipse taking place in the early hours of Tuesday the 21st represents a wonderful opportunity to make a vital assessment of where the energy of this next year will take us and how we plan to respond.
In an extremely rare occurrence, the Winter Solstice happens on the afternoon of the same day, the 21st. The solstice is always a potent time for new beginnings because the shortest day of the year has arrived and this means in entirely simplistic and yet ultimately profound terms that the light is returning. This solstice is made even more powerful by the earlier Lunar Eclipse which is designed to allow you to look backward as well as forward as you contemplate a different future for yourself that yet does not break completely with your past. The eclipse is happening in the last degrees of Sagittarius and Gemini, and makes a T-square to Jupiter and Uranus, conjunct in Pisces. Although the energy of these latter planetary archetypes is all about going forward, radiant with new vision for a better future, leaving the past completely behind, that energy is moderated by the eclipse itself. This is because it seeks to connect us to who we are based upon who we have always been, a kind of looking back. Taking place in the last degrees of the signs before the Cardinal signs of Capricorn and Cancer, which are symbolized in the Solstice, it makes the point that where we have been is as important as where we are going. This Full Moon energy therefore represents a flowering of all that we have been and learned in our life cycle up to now. We can be more than we would ever have imagined if we can take a measured stance on what we truly desire in our heart of hearts to actually accomplish. This very potent and very revealing solstice time is holy, and if we so treat it, we will see the rewards begin to manifest for us after the New Year.
The eclipse degrees in late Gemini and Sagittarius have the Sabian symbols of "Bathing Beauties on Parade" and "The Pope" – with all the pomp and splendor these images convey, and for all their connection to collective values. We can either fall back into show and surface glitter or we can make the effort to be a focal point for the society around us to regain some semblance of pride and wisdom. It is important to note that Mercury is retrograde right now, and moving backward into Sagittarius, still in conjunction with the eclipse degree and square to Uranus. It will not re-enter Capricorn until January and will not regain its lost Zodiacal longitude until January 15th – so we have two weeks into the New Year to mull over our potential choices before taking more deliberate action.
Monday 20 December 2010
THIS is LOVE - my father is a poet
Its so strange, when only so late you start to really know your parents - and to find out that my father is himself a sensitive poet - each year on my birthday he writes a poem for me.
These are the last two
:)
I love you Dad : crazy, unbearable sometimes, eccentric walker, timeless traveller, bad opera singer, touching poet, animal lover, people hater, photography enthusiast, art lover but above ALL - the BEST father and the most INSPIRATIONAL example I could wish for
with much love and much proud in being your daughter
xxx
1. MY LITTLE GIRL
2 . MY STAR
These are the last two
:)
I love you Dad : crazy, unbearable sometimes, eccentric walker, timeless traveller, bad opera singer, touching poet, animal lover, people hater, photography enthusiast, art lover but above ALL - the BEST father and the most INSPIRATIONAL example I could wish for
with much love and much proud in being your daughter
xxx
1. MY LITTLE GIRL
2 . MY STAR
Saturday 18 December 2010
THIS is DANCE - All ready JANUARY is BERLIN ^^
All done - January is Berlin with Yuko Kaseki - she and Yukio Suzuki are the two people who are doing more interesting, fresh things - approaching butoh - so its a great honor to be able to learn from them.
(not ) surprisingly - the studio name is ADA77
seven inside, outside, below and above
7
X
I look forward
(not ) surprisingly - the studio name is ADA77
seven inside, outside, below and above
7
X
I look forward
intense - Yuko Kaseki
Studio 77 - already feeling like at home
Monday 13 December 2010
THIS is FILM - the first 2010 Snow in London
Finally - I REACHED the last FILM roll on my desk :)))))) - feeling big sense of achievement now ^^
This year, first week of December the first snow fell in London - it was a special day - very cold - but intensely beautiful - I dont know why - I just felt a particular strong sense of beauty and intensity as the first, shy snow shower of the year went down in London - this made me endure the freezing cold, my stone frozen hands and just stayed out shooting until I finished the roll I had with me.
I have been modeling for Hywels sculpture class that day - the moment I came out, a second spell of snow starts to fall - i just have time quickly to change the roll - this time I wanted to shoot snow in BW - I was so enticed, lost in the magic rain of the snow - the snow it was small but very defined - like dust , I could see clearly see each single piece rolling , furiously along the wind - and the sudden change of direction of all the little snow grains - I really wanted to capture that magic snow rain movement.
Also, the air was so humid and the night begins to fall - all looked smudged with the fog - so to see faraway the traffic lights fading - gave it all an extra dreamy, xmas feel - I shot everything on purpose in BW - I was particularly interested in seeing this reality color smudged translation into a reducing, colder BW palette - I was not disappointed with the results.
Below some pictures of the first 2010 snow in London.
This year, first week of December the first snow fell in London - it was a special day - very cold - but intensely beautiful - I dont know why - I just felt a particular strong sense of beauty and intensity as the first, shy snow shower of the year went down in London - this made me endure the freezing cold, my stone frozen hands and just stayed out shooting until I finished the roll I had with me.
I have been modeling for Hywels sculpture class that day - the moment I came out, a second spell of snow starts to fall - i just have time quickly to change the roll - this time I wanted to shoot snow in BW - I was so enticed, lost in the magic rain of the snow - the snow it was small but very defined - like dust , I could see clearly see each single piece rolling , furiously along the wind - and the sudden change of direction of all the little snow grains - I really wanted to capture that magic snow rain movement.
Also, the air was so humid and the night begins to fall - all looked smudged with the fog - so to see faraway the traffic lights fading - gave it all an extra dreamy, xmas feel - I shot everything on purpose in BW - I was particularly interested in seeing this reality color smudged translation into a reducing, colder BW palette - I was not disappointed with the results.
Below some pictures of the first 2010 snow in London.
Color lights in BW series
N. 1 - Light bunny
Color lights in BW series
N. 2 - woman aproaching
Color lights in BW series
N. 3 - more light than snow
Color lights in BW series
N. 4 - approaching snow
The Snow Series
N. 1 - snow and wind sketch over bench
The Snow Series
N. 2 - snow scratching edges
The Snow Series
N. 3 - snow and wet floor
The Snow Series
N. 3 - bags down
Sunday 12 December 2010
THIS is MOVEMENT - Tino Sehgal workshop at SOUTHBANK MOVE WK
Ah - the SOUTHBANK MOVE WK - I could write really a lot on this one - but I feel the need to summarize the experience, retain only, remember only what felt more relevant to my own experience.
There are definitely x high light points that condense this weekend for me - things that jumped higher, things that stayed with me, habited my head, made me think - those are the ones worth mentioning:
1 - Tino Seghal workshop - what you said was interesting (!) - what is your name (?)
The beginning of T.S. workshop at the southbank wk, started with a simple group movement instruction - where the aprox. 80 participants had to form a circle and keep it not only moving back and forward trough the room while keeping in permanent moving themselves and on top of that each one of us had to do a self presentation about u we where to the group and/ or listen to the other presentations. You will be amazed actually how distractive the mind can be while just speaking or listening and easily forgets bigger role we were all playing by forming a self moving circle shape.
Interestingly, mostly everyone chose to present themselves associating to theyre work or careers: I am a dancer, I do this, I do that, I am this , I am that - few chose words like : I like to, I love to - and most certainly no one used self negation as form of self identification.
I start to feel really uncomfortable with what to me always it seems a little like a somehow a attempt of creativity vanity parade - but most disturbing for me was to see so clearly , even in the arts fields - the strong bond between work and self identification / value - so we supposed to be what we do - our careers, what we chose to to with our means of living ? out success as human beings pretty much asphyxiated to the ignorant simplicity of success or failure in our careers - this is a concept I became less than friends of this year - actually my position on this matter is very self assertive - I REFUSE to use career as a form of self identification, as as kind of status selling badge to make more interesting, attractive or salable to others and the world outside.
Another interesting tough that cross my mind - I observe my feelings and how I was reacting to this all scene - I became suddenly very self protective about me, what I was doing, what I have done before workwise - as in this questions kept on popping in my mind: why? why should I share with this group of strangers ( with who I didn't seem to particularly to connect emphatically ) who I am , where I was and where I am right now in my life ? This sudden flush of unkindness, particular to me - seemed unrational - but it was there, making a really strong emotional stand: the truth was I did not wanted to share myself and most importantly I did not wanted to use CAREER or WORK to present myself and to define me .
Not for lack of career diversity or achievement : I could have said : I studied ballet for 12 years, them I had a injury and swapped to fashion, where I worked for 9 years all over the world as a fashion designer - now I take photography, movement performance and fine art modeling as work - but if I did - that would not be truthful at all - and especially, deep in my belief, it would SAY NOTHING at ALL of who I AM - better not to say anything I concluded - but that was not a option - as everyone has to speak.
So, when my time came to speak - I decided, as I always do, to simplify and flow my deepest belief in LIFE - TRUTH.
I chose to share my name, that I lived in London, that I have a interest in movement performance - that I have chosen recently to abstain indefinitely from pursuing a career in an field and that I did a lot of other creative things with my free time. I was happy with my answer - it was entirely truthful and deeply revealing of who I am as a human being and where I was in life - so I thought to myself I excelled in answering the presentation brief - with little , I actually saied a lot about me, not as performer, or artist, or career functional citizen - but what matters to me most - but as a individual human being : Angela.
Just one answer in 80 - one presentation among the group - but it was mine, it was me, in a masked way a very vulnerable presentation- to those who could have the eyes to ear.
The next workshop day, Tino S. the man himself, directs his attention to me and says: what you saied yesterday about yourself was interesting - but I want to know more - I like to know the people I am working with - what is your name again? He understood perfectly my intention - and accidentally here my ability to be truthful in all occasions to who I am and to what I believe, actually worked for me as a kind of highlighter - its very self boosting having someone wit the intellect like T.S. to adress you personally, to notice your presence and to be interested in your mind.
This lead me to another reflection - interesting, that seems to be a word others like to sue to describe me - I must say, being unnoticed or forgotten has never really been a problem - people seem to notice and remembering me strongly, even without any apparent effort of my part - its still a mystery to me - people I dont remember greet me, I will be the silent presence in a new group and people will ask me where I from, what do I do - sometimes is uncomfortable and mostly still these days I realize this as skill, but I still have no idea what do to with it.
So I am interesting, so what ? what will that do for me - app-art from transforming in in a temp. source of interest to someone? Being interesting actually has a stealing quality, a passing by attention like a exotic object or animal is display - people stay, stare, express fascination for a moment and them leave.
I became with the years, actually not liking the feeling of being a source of interest - its pretty selfish from other I think - its like a rude guest who enters your house, smiles, takes your favorite food and leave whiteout a word, leaving you speechless.
Most people will like to be seen as interesting - I dont - and so these days I really ration the amount of me I chose give away to strangers - who I am as a person ( interesting or not is not the point ) is my own private, very valuable asset and its is def, not out there for people to peek in gratuitely out of entertainment.
Anyway, it felt most very flattering having T.S. addressing me in my views on life and identity personally - but as soon as I acknowledge this feeling of ego infatuation - immediately I see the pointless of such feeling and in way avoiding a embarrassing situation - and again I question further status - creativity and identity:
why would I feel so self conscious by the fact of being noticed by T. S. ?
its it because of his genius or his creative/artistic status ?
My choice - I still decide to want to relate to people as individuals first - and as much as possible leave status, career, celebrity and success not be a part of the connecting equation.
2 - Tino Sehgal - human swarms, choreographically and our real life society human experience these days
Trying to choreograph a human swarm movement with he group, based on 3 simple rules - instructions. How do birds and fish do it, so naturally - all those individuals moving and creating a source of intelligent movement itself - the swarm - that when successful, becomes itself a third identity, simultaneously constituted by all those separate individuals and at the same time breaking free of them, surpassing its own components and becoming a live source of its own - its a fascinating natural movement that know can be seen as well in social/ human scale in our lives - ex. the internet itself become probably the most relevant form of social/emotional / mind human swarm these days.
Also another point brought into attention in the workshop - very interesting - was the individual role and feeling in these modern days forms of swarms - the duality between being human sense of individuality and group - how these two interact and how one's movements affects the other - like in a nature swarm.
The very real existing conflict these days on living individuality experience to the extreme ( as a society we have never been so supportive of individuality as in our current days ) and on the other way, being lost in that same individuality : feeling alone, disconnected with others ( the world) - as brilliant explain by T.S. - " feeling no power - feeling that my actions affect no one " - the EXACT contrary experience of the SWARM where every individuals movement/action affects the all group - the MAXIMUM effect of being connected.
Fascinating.
3 - Tino Sehgal - concept of arrival
Another of the workshops questions / instructions - was to share as a form of performance confession - a important place in our lives where we felt truly we arrived somewhere.
T.S. is obviously a skilled human reader - he seems fascinated with people and dwelling deeper into apparent simple answers - he manages to go deeper and create relevant explanatory links to modern days social/human experience - in a way, maybe one could say he is in a true sense a REAL LIFE/ REAL people artist - instead of creating with tools like paint, brushes, or even bodys ( dancers) - he seems to chose a much more complex and therefore fascinating creative tool - the human being, the individual, so most of its work have a very relevant and interesting social / human context.
In a strange way, i felt like a mice in a mind laboratory that I could clearly feel as T.S. mind - a interesting experience - one is really forced to lose Ego - and actually I felt most strongly a sense of group that I rarely felt in other workshops - he seems to have that skill in working with people - his creative tools.
One of the most interesting points that T. S. highlighted was that to some people ( me inclusive ) , the feeling of arriving somewhere was deeply associated with an ending - as if we could not identify a arrival without a departure, a beginning without a end.
4 - Tino Seghal - artistic/ celebrity status and identity - whos time is more important ?
I asked T.S. if I could add his answers to my project 100 people, 200 answers - he seemed briefly interested in to know more about my work - but a immediate refusal to have his photo taken in any form I shape ( I was very much expecting this, all his work ethos is very non documentary - but as in my belief - you always try).
I did not get a no or a yes - I got a maybe.
The workshop finished and a uncomfortable waiting for a maybe email became really insightful - why was I waiting for a maybe email ? It would have been wonderful of course to have been able to include someone of artistic relevance like T.S. in my little project - the opportunity was there and so I have done what was on my reach - I asked. That was a choice on my power to ask or not to ask - and so I chose to ask.
While waiting, in the typical scenario of a celebrity surrounded by people wanting some attention - I felt awkward - and suddenly I had to ask myself - why I am here waiting for something that might not come ?
Most people would have mostly waited, patiently, played the game big artist - humble admirer game - but it really did not felt right for me - I actually felt I was loosing my time - and so the question to myself: who's time is here more important? the answer came clearly to me: MY TIME is more important FOR ME - so thankfully and satisfied with all the workshop experience I left, without answers or email.
I realize the danger of my behavior, one might think is arrogant or pretensions - but is not -is really just my belief - people are people to me - now matter what theyre achievements are - and this will always be the way I will chose to relate to them - why would my time be less worth than the one of the accomplished artist ? I didnt see why.
5 - Encountering Adam again - a peak into dance graduations dilemmas
And as in the last T.S. rearchal at the TATE I saw Adam again - which was quite nice - he is a nice face to re-see and it was interesting to hear a little about his graduation dilemmas - I am so glad I dont have to put up with those kind of things, to be honest.
Thankfully this time we managed to exchanged contact's - there is a visible kindness I naturally like - and I would like - also because of the body difference It would be interesting to explore this in some ind of movement impro.
6 - The speechless, nervous japanese boy
There was a japanese young boy at the workshop - maybe in is ealry 20s - with very black curly hair - I took interest in the hair, because it was so curly and for some strange reason I dont associate japanese people with natural curly hair. I like curly hair, makes you wanna play with it - hide things on it.
When paired in a impro. he came to me and while supposed to to the exercise confession - something awkward but very sweet in a boyish way happened - when standing in front of me he lost he speech and forgot what he had to say - only small big open black eyes looking at me nervously- and them of course the typical japanese sea of sorrys, sorry, sorry - I forgot my words :))) - it was really sweet
With a little of my help, we got back to the exercise and he managed to do the confession to me - "what is that you unlike the most " - also his very japanese answer, made me smile - his answer was: " ... I am always very busy and I always have a plan - when I am not busy or I dont follow my plan I dont like.. " - very Japanese answer, I said and smiled
Thank you he replied and in fear asked me where are you from ?
Kinda of sweet. Boys.
7- Xavier le Roy - public guest asks: why is everyone in your performance from a white ethnic background only ?
Went seeing Xavier le Roy Uk premiere performance of Empty Landscapes - well, empty content for me to. I was totally disarranged from the beginning to end, and unf. only highlights I took from the show were not particularly positive I must say.
The piece itself, it linked me to nothing apart from the naked bodies of the all white and majority older males - younger females performers - it did not make me think about anything, it did not make me link the piece to anything relevant - It did made me think although imagine how well social skilled Xavir le Roy must be, it made me imagine how can someone with this kind of work be so famous? Made imagine how socially skilled he may be to be featured and his piece as one of the most CREATIVE pieces and performers set of our times (!) - uau - made me think this guy must have a lot of SAVOUR FAIRE - of course this is only my modest opinion.
The most exciting part of the performance was when a public audience asked why all the 8 performers were all from a White Ethnic background ( I have a clue - maybe because the director is tres French? )
The answer surprisingly did not came from the choreographer himself, but from one of the young pretty things female performers: she answered: for no reason at all, we are just a group of people who likes to work togheter - to which I felt like replying: so, could this possibly mean that WHITE people like to work with WHITE people?
Another challenging question to the performers was why was there a older male performing naked and not a older women naked performing too ? the answer again, coming not from the choreographer, explained apologetically, that this was a rotating group, that they do have a female older performer, but that she was just not in at this night performance - ( did anyone believed in that ) ?
The all piece lacked content immense I thought and in a very French way I though- visually it was sophisticated and very beautiful - a visual and compositional feast attempt - yes the performers all naked, all more or less tall, more or less same white skin colour, the women were beautiful - the movement was fresh but beautiful - yes BEAUTIFUL seems to be the most kind word I can find to describe it - but it failed to go behind that totally - or otherwise I as a viewer failed totally to be able to see trough that.
Very french ?
Interesting.
9 - People are annoying - desperate audience for a role, or some kind of presence - trying to be smart - trying to impress
All of these big high stream events, unf. for me always come with the annoying arty people - so most of the times I just try to see the show, speak to a few of kind faces and get out of there as soon as possible. I just have really low patience for meaningless presumption, arrogance and effect without content. No time, no patiente and in a way, each time I see someone trying to say something smart, to be noticed - I feel really embarrassed for them - its strange and awkward feeling - pitiable to some point the hungry arty audience all wanting a little piece of stage themselves.
Pls dont try - its embarrassing.
And of course some photos - few and sneaked in - because for some reason - artist still do not welcome photography very much.
There are definitely x high light points that condense this weekend for me - things that jumped higher, things that stayed with me, habited my head, made me think - those are the ones worth mentioning:
1 - Tino Seghal workshop - what you said was interesting (!) - what is your name (?)
The beginning of T.S. workshop at the southbank wk, started with a simple group movement instruction - where the aprox. 80 participants had to form a circle and keep it not only moving back and forward trough the room while keeping in permanent moving themselves and on top of that each one of us had to do a self presentation about u we where to the group and/ or listen to the other presentations. You will be amazed actually how distractive the mind can be while just speaking or listening and easily forgets bigger role we were all playing by forming a self moving circle shape.
Interestingly, mostly everyone chose to present themselves associating to theyre work or careers: I am a dancer, I do this, I do that, I am this , I am that - few chose words like : I like to, I love to - and most certainly no one used self negation as form of self identification.
I start to feel really uncomfortable with what to me always it seems a little like a somehow a attempt of creativity vanity parade - but most disturbing for me was to see so clearly , even in the arts fields - the strong bond between work and self identification / value - so we supposed to be what we do - our careers, what we chose to to with our means of living ? out success as human beings pretty much asphyxiated to the ignorant simplicity of success or failure in our careers - this is a concept I became less than friends of this year - actually my position on this matter is very self assertive - I REFUSE to use career as a form of self identification, as as kind of status selling badge to make more interesting, attractive or salable to others and the world outside.
Another interesting tough that cross my mind - I observe my feelings and how I was reacting to this all scene - I became suddenly very self protective about me, what I was doing, what I have done before workwise - as in this questions kept on popping in my mind: why? why should I share with this group of strangers ( with who I didn't seem to particularly to connect emphatically ) who I am , where I was and where I am right now in my life ? This sudden flush of unkindness, particular to me - seemed unrational - but it was there, making a really strong emotional stand: the truth was I did not wanted to share myself and most importantly I did not wanted to use CAREER or WORK to present myself and to define me .
Not for lack of career diversity or achievement : I could have said : I studied ballet for 12 years, them I had a injury and swapped to fashion, where I worked for 9 years all over the world as a fashion designer - now I take photography, movement performance and fine art modeling as work - but if I did - that would not be truthful at all - and especially, deep in my belief, it would SAY NOTHING at ALL of who I AM - better not to say anything I concluded - but that was not a option - as everyone has to speak.
So, when my time came to speak - I decided, as I always do, to simplify and flow my deepest belief in LIFE - TRUTH.
I chose to share my name, that I lived in London, that I have a interest in movement performance - that I have chosen recently to abstain indefinitely from pursuing a career in an field and that I did a lot of other creative things with my free time. I was happy with my answer - it was entirely truthful and deeply revealing of who I am as a human being and where I was in life - so I thought to myself I excelled in answering the presentation brief - with little , I actually saied a lot about me, not as performer, or artist, or career functional citizen - but what matters to me most - but as a individual human being : Angela.
Just one answer in 80 - one presentation among the group - but it was mine, it was me, in a masked way a very vulnerable presentation- to those who could have the eyes to ear.
The next workshop day, Tino S. the man himself, directs his attention to me and says: what you saied yesterday about yourself was interesting - but I want to know more - I like to know the people I am working with - what is your name again? He understood perfectly my intention - and accidentally here my ability to be truthful in all occasions to who I am and to what I believe, actually worked for me as a kind of highlighter - its very self boosting having someone wit the intellect like T.S. to adress you personally, to notice your presence and to be interested in your mind.
This lead me to another reflection - interesting, that seems to be a word others like to sue to describe me - I must say, being unnoticed or forgotten has never really been a problem - people seem to notice and remembering me strongly, even without any apparent effort of my part - its still a mystery to me - people I dont remember greet me, I will be the silent presence in a new group and people will ask me where I from, what do I do - sometimes is uncomfortable and mostly still these days I realize this as skill, but I still have no idea what do to with it.
So I am interesting, so what ? what will that do for me - app-art from transforming in in a temp. source of interest to someone? Being interesting actually has a stealing quality, a passing by attention like a exotic object or animal is display - people stay, stare, express fascination for a moment and them leave.
I became with the years, actually not liking the feeling of being a source of interest - its pretty selfish from other I think - its like a rude guest who enters your house, smiles, takes your favorite food and leave whiteout a word, leaving you speechless.
Most people will like to be seen as interesting - I dont - and so these days I really ration the amount of me I chose give away to strangers - who I am as a person ( interesting or not is not the point ) is my own private, very valuable asset and its is def, not out there for people to peek in gratuitely out of entertainment.
Anyway, it felt most very flattering having T.S. addressing me in my views on life and identity personally - but as soon as I acknowledge this feeling of ego infatuation - immediately I see the pointless of such feeling and in way avoiding a embarrassing situation - and again I question further status - creativity and identity:
why would I feel so self conscious by the fact of being noticed by T. S. ?
its it because of his genius or his creative/artistic status ?
My choice - I still decide to want to relate to people as individuals first - and as much as possible leave status, career, celebrity and success not be a part of the connecting equation.
2 - Tino Sehgal - human swarms, choreographically and our real life society human experience these days
Trying to choreograph a human swarm movement with he group, based on 3 simple rules - instructions. How do birds and fish do it, so naturally - all those individuals moving and creating a source of intelligent movement itself - the swarm - that when successful, becomes itself a third identity, simultaneously constituted by all those separate individuals and at the same time breaking free of them, surpassing its own components and becoming a live source of its own - its a fascinating natural movement that know can be seen as well in social/ human scale in our lives - ex. the internet itself become probably the most relevant form of social/emotional / mind human swarm these days.
Also another point brought into attention in the workshop - very interesting - was the individual role and feeling in these modern days forms of swarms - the duality between being human sense of individuality and group - how these two interact and how one's movements affects the other - like in a nature swarm.
The very real existing conflict these days on living individuality experience to the extreme ( as a society we have never been so supportive of individuality as in our current days ) and on the other way, being lost in that same individuality : feeling alone, disconnected with others ( the world) - as brilliant explain by T.S. - " feeling no power - feeling that my actions affect no one " - the EXACT contrary experience of the SWARM where every individuals movement/action affects the all group - the MAXIMUM effect of being connected.
Fascinating.
3 - Tino Sehgal - concept of arrival
Another of the workshops questions / instructions - was to share as a form of performance confession - a important place in our lives where we felt truly we arrived somewhere.
T.S. is obviously a skilled human reader - he seems fascinated with people and dwelling deeper into apparent simple answers - he manages to go deeper and create relevant explanatory links to modern days social/human experience - in a way, maybe one could say he is in a true sense a REAL LIFE/ REAL people artist - instead of creating with tools like paint, brushes, or even bodys ( dancers) - he seems to chose a much more complex and therefore fascinating creative tool - the human being, the individual, so most of its work have a very relevant and interesting social / human context.
In a strange way, i felt like a mice in a mind laboratory that I could clearly feel as T.S. mind - a interesting experience - one is really forced to lose Ego - and actually I felt most strongly a sense of group that I rarely felt in other workshops - he seems to have that skill in working with people - his creative tools.
One of the most interesting points that T. S. highlighted was that to some people ( me inclusive ) , the feeling of arriving somewhere was deeply associated with an ending - as if we could not identify a arrival without a departure, a beginning without a end.
4 - Tino Seghal - artistic/ celebrity status and identity - whos time is more important ?
I asked T.S. if I could add his answers to my project 100 people, 200 answers - he seemed briefly interested in to know more about my work - but a immediate refusal to have his photo taken in any form I shape ( I was very much expecting this, all his work ethos is very non documentary - but as in my belief - you always try).
I did not get a no or a yes - I got a maybe.
The workshop finished and a uncomfortable waiting for a maybe email became really insightful - why was I waiting for a maybe email ? It would have been wonderful of course to have been able to include someone of artistic relevance like T.S. in my little project - the opportunity was there and so I have done what was on my reach - I asked. That was a choice on my power to ask or not to ask - and so I chose to ask.
While waiting, in the typical scenario of a celebrity surrounded by people wanting some attention - I felt awkward - and suddenly I had to ask myself - why I am here waiting for something that might not come ?
Most people would have mostly waited, patiently, played the game big artist - humble admirer game - but it really did not felt right for me - I actually felt I was loosing my time - and so the question to myself: who's time is here more important? the answer came clearly to me: MY TIME is more important FOR ME - so thankfully and satisfied with all the workshop experience I left, without answers or email.
I realize the danger of my behavior, one might think is arrogant or pretensions - but is not -is really just my belief - people are people to me - now matter what theyre achievements are - and this will always be the way I will chose to relate to them - why would my time be less worth than the one of the accomplished artist ? I didnt see why.
5 - Encountering Adam again - a peak into dance graduations dilemmas
And as in the last T.S. rearchal at the TATE I saw Adam again - which was quite nice - he is a nice face to re-see and it was interesting to hear a little about his graduation dilemmas - I am so glad I dont have to put up with those kind of things, to be honest.
Thankfully this time we managed to exchanged contact's - there is a visible kindness I naturally like - and I would like - also because of the body difference It would be interesting to explore this in some ind of movement impro.
6 - The speechless, nervous japanese boy
There was a japanese young boy at the workshop - maybe in is ealry 20s - with very black curly hair - I took interest in the hair, because it was so curly and for some strange reason I dont associate japanese people with natural curly hair. I like curly hair, makes you wanna play with it - hide things on it.
When paired in a impro. he came to me and while supposed to to the exercise confession - something awkward but very sweet in a boyish way happened - when standing in front of me he lost he speech and forgot what he had to say - only small big open black eyes looking at me nervously- and them of course the typical japanese sea of sorrys, sorry, sorry - I forgot my words :))) - it was really sweet
With a little of my help, we got back to the exercise and he managed to do the confession to me - "what is that you unlike the most " - also his very japanese answer, made me smile - his answer was: " ... I am always very busy and I always have a plan - when I am not busy or I dont follow my plan I dont like.. " - very Japanese answer, I said and smiled
Thank you he replied and in fear asked me where are you from ?
Kinda of sweet. Boys.
7- Xavier le Roy - public guest asks: why is everyone in your performance from a white ethnic background only ?
Went seeing Xavier le Roy Uk premiere performance of Empty Landscapes - well, empty content for me to. I was totally disarranged from the beginning to end, and unf. only highlights I took from the show were not particularly positive I must say.
The piece itself, it linked me to nothing apart from the naked bodies of the all white and majority older males - younger females performers - it did not make me think about anything, it did not make me link the piece to anything relevant - It did made me think although imagine how well social skilled Xavir le Roy must be, it made me imagine how can someone with this kind of work be so famous? Made imagine how socially skilled he may be to be featured and his piece as one of the most CREATIVE pieces and performers set of our times (!) - uau - made me think this guy must have a lot of SAVOUR FAIRE - of course this is only my modest opinion.
The most exciting part of the performance was when a public audience asked why all the 8 performers were all from a White Ethnic background ( I have a clue - maybe because the director is tres French? )
The answer surprisingly did not came from the choreographer himself, but from one of the young pretty things female performers: she answered: for no reason at all, we are just a group of people who likes to work togheter - to which I felt like replying: so, could this possibly mean that WHITE people like to work with WHITE people?
Another challenging question to the performers was why was there a older male performing naked and not a older women naked performing too ? the answer again, coming not from the choreographer, explained apologetically, that this was a rotating group, that they do have a female older performer, but that she was just not in at this night performance - ( did anyone believed in that ) ?
The all piece lacked content immense I thought and in a very French way I though- visually it was sophisticated and very beautiful - a visual and compositional feast attempt - yes the performers all naked, all more or less tall, more or less same white skin colour, the women were beautiful - the movement was fresh but beautiful - yes BEAUTIFUL seems to be the most kind word I can find to describe it - but it failed to go behind that totally - or otherwise I as a viewer failed totally to be able to see trough that.
Very french ?
Interesting.
9 - People are annoying - desperate audience for a role, or some kind of presence - trying to be smart - trying to impress
All of these big high stream events, unf. for me always come with the annoying arty people - so most of the times I just try to see the show, speak to a few of kind faces and get out of there as soon as possible. I just have really low patience for meaningless presumption, arrogance and effect without content. No time, no patiente and in a way, each time I see someone trying to say something smart, to be noticed - I feel really embarrassed for them - its strange and awkward feeling - pitiable to some point the hungry arty audience all wanting a little piece of stage themselves.
Pls dont try - its embarrassing.
And of course some photos - few and sneaked in - because for some reason - artist still do not welcome photography very much.
Tino Sehgal workshop room
scratch on the mirror
Tino Sehgal workshop room
scratch on the mirror - second view
Tino Sehgal workshop room
almost clear feet - free of blood
Tino Sehgal workshop room
view over the the Thames
THIS is NY - Angela made the shot
So, as still officially sick - must stay at home for 4 days the doctor said - and I lost know 97% of my voice - its a strange, interesting new experience, not being able to speak.
So, I have now lots of time at home - which feels strange, as I am almost NEVER home - so one of my goals is to get on track on the photos uploads pilled on my desk - I notice I shot less these days - maybe there is a strange connection with shooting past and present - somehow I feel as the end of the year is coming so quickly I need to put out all of this and rest in sleep in peace all the wonderful events of 2010.
K, but getting back to this post - thought a bit interesting always to record as well my presence in others eyes/ experiences - I am always the one shooting and naturally this means I am always the invisible presence - I kinda like it that way - having a visual appearance itself became somehow - strange - I can hardly recognize myself sometimes.
Heres some photos of NY, mainly halloween where J. made sure where I made into the shot.
So, I have now lots of time at home - which feels strange, as I am almost NEVER home - so one of my goals is to get on track on the photos uploads pilled on my desk - I notice I shot less these days - maybe there is a strange connection with shooting past and present - somehow I feel as the end of the year is coming so quickly I need to put out all of this and rest in sleep in peace all the wonderful events of 2010.
K, but getting back to this post - thought a bit interesting always to record as well my presence in others eyes/ experiences - I am always the one shooting and naturally this means I am always the invisible presence - I kinda like it that way - having a visual appearance itself became somehow - strange - I can hardly recognize myself sometimes.
Heres some photos of NY, mainly halloween where J. made sure where I made into the shot.
@ Cave before going to halloween night
spotted a perfect compositional moment - quick snap - the foot and the monster head
this is not me but could not resist - is a brill. snap
J. on the taxi journey, strolling over brooklyn to find some money
? was this a halloween joke ?
Money found = party night
(!) never go partying on a empty stomach (!)
Do I look over 21 ?
Stop eating cookies Angela (!)
inside Heavy Metal
passed over 21 entrance test (!)
( ^^ ) two white devils ( ^^ )
Mystery man of the night
American white body composition
Joint bug outfit (?)
I stretch
Starting the stretch - for the next morning class
only 3 hours ahead ?
no, I angry
no, I pretty
Best free creative performance entertainment in all world
BROOKLYN tube
Me and Suzuki San photo by J.
I like this photo but it is strange
I look distracted, but in truth I was not
I was paying very much attention to Suzuki's words
- its kinda of a deceiving moment I think -
( now I think, very cute jeans ^^ looks nice next with gloves )
Saturday 11 December 2010
THIS is WORK - sculpture life modeling - black wax its not a EASY job
The french sculpture sessions came to an end - finishing up a 7 or 8 week sustained pose for black wax statues - I will miss these sessions - over these past few weeks I was indirectly introduced to sculpture and how it works - its fascinating and very, very hard work I found.
Here some important personal thoughts on the experience.
Wax Puzzled
Especially the wax media - I found it, just by observing such a arduous, almost exhausting material to work, to transform from its dead square, rigid, plain way to a organic, living , flesh, bone and blood pulsating human body shape - let me tell you, many times over the hours I was posing I could not help t feel a sense of admiration for these artists who so perseveringly , endured the war with the wax, little by little, patiently, attempt, by attempt over 7 weeks or so to arrive at my suggested sense of shape and gesture in the pose.
When you first look at a block of virgin wax - you can not help to think - how the h*ell are they going to use this to build a body? its so compact, cold and very stiff, being initially manipulation only possible by and cutting with a considerable amount of strength and a good knife. So all the work begins, with the hard work of having to shave thin slices of wax at a time - at this stage they are still stiff so little chance to make it to shape form - so the second stage is to immerse the wax shavings into some hot water - only than, this stubborn material gives in a little bit and makes itself somehow maleable to shaping ( still some considerable pressure and finger physical work needs to be applied to form body shape). If this is not enough to put you off to start to build a 50/60 cm height full 3D body sculpture - them it follows hours, and hours, of minuce observation : body masses assembly, body gesture, movement, bone, muscle, tendons, body proportion, body texture ( its different in different parts of the body - the bony, the soft, the muscular - and its s different from body to body) - and adding a never-ending number of small wax shavings over and over, until the first shapes are created - and them it goes on and on - it is really a never ending work of observation and trial - like RODIN expressed himself, a sculpture contrary to a painting, or a poem, or a piece of music is always a unfinished work.
Weight and structure
First steps, big decisions - no pressure. A 60 cms height full wax statue - apart from observation and perseverance and patient - involves also other type of challenges - ( scultpure really must be technically the most problematic, temperament, persistence tester form of art - the artist seems to be constantly tested on the process of trying to bring his piece into the material world - as I said before, it is not easy) - gravity challenges.
So a mediun sized statue like this one - will require a inside metal armature to support and the body wax building process ( yes, those millions of little wax shavings, pressed against eachtoher stubbornely to express form and mass ). Also this structure will not only define the durability of the piece ( will it stand or will it fall ) but also in its primary construction the artist needs to read the pose movement in terms of main gestures ( skeletal movement) to ensure the right gesture - as all those other 100s of hours will be spent working on this first crucial decisions - you kinda off want to get it right - feeling the pressure (?)
I was (!) - I guess I could not be a sculptor - one needs a very disciplined, analytical, patient mind.
No Pain, no Pose
In terms of the pose, this was also not a easy one for me. Actually I must admit it was one the most difficult sustained poses I had - I was surprised I must confess, you look at the gesture, and though the gesture is dynamic and gracious enough - one would look at it and not make a big physical challenge over it - WRONG (!) - actually you just need the first 30 minutes to start to see clearly all the points where it will go into PAIN territory :
1) Full body weight on one leg ( smartly I decided to use my right leg- which is my weaker leg - at the time convinced the challenge would be good to make it stronger - it did got stronger after 7 weeks - not without pain though )
2) Strong upper body back torsion with back spiral inclination- this obviously will and tension not only to your lower back by compressing it ( in all of my breaks I had to regurlary stretch my lower back ) but also as it is putting you in a somehow off balance position - it is making your body weight heavier - so a extra strain to the body weight on the supporting leg
3) Lower body off balance to front - basically, the pose I wanted to create, was a subtle suggestion of standing spiral movement - to achieve this I had to position differently, different parts of the body - positioning my lower right leg and hip out of axis front side, created a extraordinary amount of extra pressure on my knee joints ( this was especially hard to sustain after retuning from my NY butoh trip - where I gave quite a lot of work to my knees with all that collapsing and falling )
4) The reclining back contorted neck - most of us are not aware how heavy our head is and how strong your neck muscles and tendons are in a natural position - this means - once we change the natural head position, which is straight and standing - we immediately create a unnatural strain weight relationship between head and neck - that the neck tendons and muscles are not familiar with - suddenly you realize how heavy your head really is.
With posing and sustaining shape and movement with the body - here are the facts - here it is how it works:
know all of this things ( the off balance, the extra weight, the torsion's, the compressions, the neck tendons weight strain ) you dont notice in the first 3 hour session so much - it is as the sessions progress- you will realize the body holds the most extraordinary shape and pain memory relationship - so what happens is that while you can tolerate pain well in the first hours - sustaining the same pose - as you go further into more sessions - the first minutes you try to regain the pose - the body immediately alerts you with pain - telling you: hey, wait a minute I remember this from last week, its painful and I dont like it, change it or i will keep on giving you pain - so even after a week rest - you are basically facing the remaining posing time with at a degree of pain or discomfort.
This is the life model challenge, and with experience you learn to control your body and mind regarding pain and these kind of panicky alerts ( its funny to watch how the body can real be panicky sometimes and how the mind can hysterically support that ).
Most of the control is done by the mind: so when the body shots panicky alerts of pain - only by controlling your mind you can kinds off turn the volume down of your body screaming to you - its painful, its painful, stop it. The mind here learns t say: shhh, its OK- the pain is Ok and so the body relaxes to the presence of pain - and this means I can continue sustaining my pose.
The last challenge comes ironically from the mind too - I like to describe it as a mind anxiety attack - that is very common, especially when you dont have a lot of experience modeling - your mind is not used to a situation where it is required from you not to move and to be still for an unusual long period of time - the mind very often here reacts back to this new unknown situation with a anxiety - where for not justified triggering reason your mind just gets anxious and panicky, ordering you to move - when you ignore it, the clever, bossy thing them sends panic to your physical body which can manifest in many different ways: for me personally in past experience it feels like a lack of hair, lack of breathing kind off - as my mind is making a unrational link on my head that if I not move I cannot breath well.
The only way this time to control the mind itself, when it is in this panic, unrational mode is by reason - a kind of reason that only experience can give you - as you know from experience what kind of tricks your mind can play at your and your body - and the reassurance that most of these anxieties are unreal and unfounded.
So, for those of you who thought maybe that life modeling, is to a certain extent a easy job, suitable for a somewhat soulless and mindless individual - I hope my experience could be a redirecting light in that form of tough - as all great artist know truly the role and importance of the model to the final result of the work. Unf. still these days, many life modeling professionals are low rating - and yes, you do get many soulesss, mindless ( even beautiful) people out there who will pose for you - but believe me you will see a difference.
Some of my favorite pieces - some photos below
while alone with the statues, observing my movement, the gesture of my body and also very intriguing to be able in each statue to trace back the artist finger builds up movements - the movement choices of the artist - the finger pressing, allocating another piece of wax shaving - creating, adding, sculpting the pose, the movement, the gesture.
So incredible, one can see two very distinct forms of movement in the final pieces : the model;s and the artists different movement, fused in one final piece - so in a way, it could be seen as a collaboration - pas vrai (?)
Here some important personal thoughts on the experience.
Wax Puzzled
Especially the wax media - I found it, just by observing such a arduous, almost exhausting material to work, to transform from its dead square, rigid, plain way to a organic, living , flesh, bone and blood pulsating human body shape - let me tell you, many times over the hours I was posing I could not help t feel a sense of admiration for these artists who so perseveringly , endured the war with the wax, little by little, patiently, attempt, by attempt over 7 weeks or so to arrive at my suggested sense of shape and gesture in the pose.
When you first look at a block of virgin wax - you can not help to think - how the h*ell are they going to use this to build a body? its so compact, cold and very stiff, being initially manipulation only possible by and cutting with a considerable amount of strength and a good knife. So all the work begins, with the hard work of having to shave thin slices of wax at a time - at this stage they are still stiff so little chance to make it to shape form - so the second stage is to immerse the wax shavings into some hot water - only than, this stubborn material gives in a little bit and makes itself somehow maleable to shaping ( still some considerable pressure and finger physical work needs to be applied to form body shape). If this is not enough to put you off to start to build a 50/60 cm height full 3D body sculpture - them it follows hours, and hours, of minuce observation : body masses assembly, body gesture, movement, bone, muscle, tendons, body proportion, body texture ( its different in different parts of the body - the bony, the soft, the muscular - and its s different from body to body) - and adding a never-ending number of small wax shavings over and over, until the first shapes are created - and them it goes on and on - it is really a never ending work of observation and trial - like RODIN expressed himself, a sculpture contrary to a painting, or a poem, or a piece of music is always a unfinished work.
Weight and structure
First steps, big decisions - no pressure. A 60 cms height full wax statue - apart from observation and perseverance and patient - involves also other type of challenges - ( scultpure really must be technically the most problematic, temperament, persistence tester form of art - the artist seems to be constantly tested on the process of trying to bring his piece into the material world - as I said before, it is not easy) - gravity challenges.
So a mediun sized statue like this one - will require a inside metal armature to support and the body wax building process ( yes, those millions of little wax shavings, pressed against eachtoher stubbornely to express form and mass ). Also this structure will not only define the durability of the piece ( will it stand or will it fall ) but also in its primary construction the artist needs to read the pose movement in terms of main gestures ( skeletal movement) to ensure the right gesture - as all those other 100s of hours will be spent working on this first crucial decisions - you kinda off want to get it right - feeling the pressure (?)
I was (!) - I guess I could not be a sculptor - one needs a very disciplined, analytical, patient mind.
No Pain, no Pose
In terms of the pose, this was also not a easy one for me. Actually I must admit it was one the most difficult sustained poses I had - I was surprised I must confess, you look at the gesture, and though the gesture is dynamic and gracious enough - one would look at it and not make a big physical challenge over it - WRONG (!) - actually you just need the first 30 minutes to start to see clearly all the points where it will go into PAIN territory :
1) Full body weight on one leg ( smartly I decided to use my right leg- which is my weaker leg - at the time convinced the challenge would be good to make it stronger - it did got stronger after 7 weeks - not without pain though )
2) Strong upper body back torsion with back spiral inclination- this obviously will and tension not only to your lower back by compressing it ( in all of my breaks I had to regurlary stretch my lower back ) but also as it is putting you in a somehow off balance position - it is making your body weight heavier - so a extra strain to the body weight on the supporting leg
3) Lower body off balance to front - basically, the pose I wanted to create, was a subtle suggestion of standing spiral movement - to achieve this I had to position differently, different parts of the body - positioning my lower right leg and hip out of axis front side, created a extraordinary amount of extra pressure on my knee joints ( this was especially hard to sustain after retuning from my NY butoh trip - where I gave quite a lot of work to my knees with all that collapsing and falling )
4) The reclining back contorted neck - most of us are not aware how heavy our head is and how strong your neck muscles and tendons are in a natural position - this means - once we change the natural head position, which is straight and standing - we immediately create a unnatural strain weight relationship between head and neck - that the neck tendons and muscles are not familiar with - suddenly you realize how heavy your head really is.
With posing and sustaining shape and movement with the body - here are the facts - here it is how it works:
know all of this things ( the off balance, the extra weight, the torsion's, the compressions, the neck tendons weight strain ) you dont notice in the first 3 hour session so much - it is as the sessions progress- you will realize the body holds the most extraordinary shape and pain memory relationship - so what happens is that while you can tolerate pain well in the first hours - sustaining the same pose - as you go further into more sessions - the first minutes you try to regain the pose - the body immediately alerts you with pain - telling you: hey, wait a minute I remember this from last week, its painful and I dont like it, change it or i will keep on giving you pain - so even after a week rest - you are basically facing the remaining posing time with at a degree of pain or discomfort.
This is the life model challenge, and with experience you learn to control your body and mind regarding pain and these kind of panicky alerts ( its funny to watch how the body can real be panicky sometimes and how the mind can hysterically support that ).
Most of the control is done by the mind: so when the body shots panicky alerts of pain - only by controlling your mind you can kinds off turn the volume down of your body screaming to you - its painful, its painful, stop it. The mind here learns t say: shhh, its OK- the pain is Ok and so the body relaxes to the presence of pain - and this means I can continue sustaining my pose.
The last challenge comes ironically from the mind too - I like to describe it as a mind anxiety attack - that is very common, especially when you dont have a lot of experience modeling - your mind is not used to a situation where it is required from you not to move and to be still for an unusual long period of time - the mind very often here reacts back to this new unknown situation with a anxiety - where for not justified triggering reason your mind just gets anxious and panicky, ordering you to move - when you ignore it, the clever, bossy thing them sends panic to your physical body which can manifest in many different ways: for me personally in past experience it feels like a lack of hair, lack of breathing kind off - as my mind is making a unrational link on my head that if I not move I cannot breath well.
The only way this time to control the mind itself, when it is in this panic, unrational mode is by reason - a kind of reason that only experience can give you - as you know from experience what kind of tricks your mind can play at your and your body - and the reassurance that most of these anxieties are unreal and unfounded.
So, for those of you who thought maybe that life modeling, is to a certain extent a easy job, suitable for a somewhat soulless and mindless individual - I hope my experience could be a redirecting light in that form of tough - as all great artist know truly the role and importance of the model to the final result of the work. Unf. still these days, many life modeling professionals are low rating - and yes, you do get many soulesss, mindless ( even beautiful) people out there who will pose for you - but believe me you will see a difference.
Some of my favorite pieces - some photos below
while alone with the statues, observing my movement, the gesture of my body and also very intriguing to be able in each statue to trace back the artist finger builds up movements - the movement choices of the artist - the finger pressing, allocating another piece of wax shaving - creating, adding, sculpting the pose, the movement, the gesture.
So incredible, one can see two very distinct forms of movement in the final pieces : the model;s and the artists different movement, fused in one final piece - so in a way, it could be seen as a collaboration - pas vrai (?)
My pose on Alines statue - my favorite piece
I find she captured really well my body gesture - especially upper torso
and pelvic section
A interesting view - looking at the relationship
the neck, head and arms formed with this pose
the same pose - the same body - interpreted differently by 3 artist - different positioning
Found interesting the choreographic potential of combining them together
exploring more shape/ choreographing potential situation
with the pieces - you need SO LITTLE to create (!)
only one pose - replicated by more bodys
extremely poetic view
shot taken from the upper cupboard
the exposed wired from the unfinished arms
add a lot of poetic suggestion to the shot
exploring more shape/ choreographing potential situation
one pose - one body - different views - different situations
I also like the fact that 4 figures are suggesting the models movement
on the second attention is really pulled to the artist finger build up movement
( all those pressed little wax shavings, pressed over the weeks, one by one to
form the body)
really good view expressing the beauty of the movement
created in the pose between the neck - shoulder and arms
seeing and tracing the artist sculpting map of the finger
pressed wax finger prints on the figure
the real MAGIC of sculpture
the figures appear to become alive and dance in silence between themselves
a unknown self view
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