THIS is LIFE MODELLING - scultpure trio pose

The latest life modeling work for Hywel sculpture class -  a trio pose small scale statues in which I posed for -  3x sustained poses -  3h per session over 7 weeks -  giving the end result to these lovely small scale black wax statues set.

Really interesting to see the gesture of my own body outside my body, and to choreograph new form compositions with the 3 poses  - so many possibilities, so many meanings - I spent hours alone in the room, playing with the 3 mini me, observing, exploring views and angles and meanings, like playing in a stage.

In the end of the sequence, a little playing around with a improvised filter -  my hand -  liked the adjacent meaning in creating another story, a veil alike imagery added to the figures, not decisively covering, oculting, following or haunting the figures. Again, maybe perhaps a reflex of own psyche -  a soft, feminine, virginal haunting veil over the figure, which subtly takes, chases, haunt.

the other story

THIS is INTERESTING - the GEOGRAPHY OF TIME AND NATION CHARACTERIZATION, SUCESS, HEALTH and (un) HAPPYNESS

There are 6 MAIN time zones that people live in:

2x focus on the PAST =PASTPOSITVE ( remembers the goodtimes ) or  PASTNEGATIVE ( remembers what went wrong )

2x focus on the PRESENT = HEDONISTIC ( lives for pleasure, avoids pain, seek knowledge  + sensation )  or  FATALIST ( belief planing  is not worth it because everything is FATED - by social/economically, etc environment )

2x focus on the FUTURE  = HARDWORKING  ( works, plans and avoids temptation ) + RELIGIOUS ( life begins after your physical body dies )

The TIME types of people seems to be scientifically affected by geographic time zones
so,

People who live near NORTH  from the equator line tend to be FUTURE ORIENTATED

while

People who live South from equator tend to be PRESENT or PAST ORIENTATED

= SHARED TIME PERSPECTIVE helps CHARACTERIZING NATIONS

others observations:

.  tend to be PAST/PRESENT orientated CHATOLICS
. TIME PERSPECTIVE and DURATION
. Sense of DURATION as a form of living TIME individually ( Bored, excited or neutral)
. Different countries/ cities =  different PACES of TIME
. We all BEGIN LIFE as PRESENT HEDONISTS ( child breast feeding : we want pleasure and avoid pain )
. Purpose of EDUCATION / SCHOOLING to transform the young PRESENT HEDONISTIC child in to a FUTURE planning ORIENTED adult
. BOYS tend to FAIL more in SCHOOLING and therefore FALING into making the HEDONISTIC PRESENT child alike change to FUTURE ORIENTATED adulthood values ( percentage of these days GIRLS generally do better at school than boys ) -  is there a genetic male preference for HEDONISM ???
. BOYS tend to SEND MORE TIME ALONE these days playing video games - this cause a delay on gaining EMOTIONAL and SOCIAL SKILLS - also boys tend to speak less with eachother at play than girls - this may be a reason why FEMALES have by far better EMOTIONAL understanding from a a early age HEDIONISM
. ALL ADDICTIONS are a result of PRESENT ( food, sex, gamble )
. DIGITAL CULTURE and HUMAN BRAIN SOFT WIRING INTER-ACTION
. the CURSE of MODERN TIME - HEDONISTIC PRESENT - I AM BUSY ! and because of this I SACRIFICE my FRIENDS, my FAMILY, my SLEEP -for SUCESS ( time pace vs SUCESS )
. TIME PACE vs SUCESS - if I had more free time, I would spend it not with family, or friends  or with myself I would INVEST it to become MORE SUCESSFULL

THIS is TRAVELLING - I have a ticket to BA and NO money

Ja, ja yo la tengo :)))))))) - Ticket to Buenos Aires


now is working non-stop to make money to pay still for my room and food -  the ticket left me on 0£

accommodation and living arrangements will require great creative skills, economically

September is BA time

the clock starts to tick



And I am taking letter Y with me, at least on my booking reference

A ver !

El humor es la gentileza de la desesperación ...

«El humor es la gentileza de la desesperación» (cita atribuida a Óscar Wilde).

Y si dos están de acuerdo es por un malentendido...

" ...Nadie es como otro.
Ni mejor ni peor: es otro.
Y si dos están de acuerdo es por un malentendido... "

JP Sartre

THIS is SAD (?) - Patriarchalism, Masculinity and Self-Entitlement

Look at these two -  what else could a man aspire in a lifetime, if not to remain a adolescent boy till hes last days, have his cake and eat it when he wants it, having a endless varity of female ground soil at his reach  to cement his relevant genes on and occasionally play houses in a relantionship.

Well, there is no doubtly Masculine success -  as we have been brainwashed but reluct to admit, as it is not quite so politically correct these days after feminism. In the 50s all of these was normal and perfectly aceptable to have women in adds cooking and cleaning all day, subservient the lords and meaning of theyre existence: the husband and the family. 

So like, the NATURAL belief ( still enrooted in the vast majority in the human population these days) that NATURE and ANIMALS exist in this planet merely with the FUNCTION to serve us all MIGHTY HUMANS

So the WOMAN was CREATED to please, serve, satisfy and later on tempt/ confuse/ make a mess of  the man ( thats were ALL the trouble probably begin - early days of Chatolicism and Patriarchalism )

( early pagan days, society and religion were mainly focused on female roles and archetypes-  a spine bone to humanity culture and society - until one fine day a man decided to stop all this and revert the power to the male figure - AKA CHATOLICISM -  or the GREAT COMICAL CRUEL (RE) INVENTION of MAN the POWER MALE FIGURE)

No we cant quite do that, so the clever, ever adapting alpha male, found something called SELF-ENTITLEMENT - subtely masked under so many expresions, beliefs and atititudes, lets look at some of my favorite:

- A man can look at a woman and decide if she is girlfriend, wife  or bed material ( I particular like the term "material " ), based on her looks or lifestyle or history.

- A man can  justify and lick his conscience by believing in things like: its always more HARD for the woman, thats just the way life is ( YES, thank you mainly to MEN )

or

- to believe and accept that women have certain limitations or pre-canonnized roles to assume: age, youth, fecundity,etc... all of these beliefs coincidentally very much in the end in favor and supportive of the free demoralization  of Patriarchalism, Masculinity and Self-entitlement values -  a conscience green card and a sedative pill basically, to go trough life having your cake, eating it and think its ok ( we humans are exceptionally good at rationalizing poor behavior, especially if it to clean up our conscience).

But for some ( males ) there is something even better called : SELF - ENTITLEMENT - feed by chilchood education values, immaturity, self- centerness, insecurity, or pure indulgence -  this MAGICAL pass allows you to actually believe you have some kind of genetic right to certain type of behaviours ( aka the MALE biological role of spreading his descendency to as many females as possible ) -  that that is the NATURAL order of things in this world and therefore not ( very conveniently sometimes ) questionable.

SELF -  ENTITLEMENT is often a ass-clown best friend.

And then, finally lets us not forgett the important but not less PATHETIC  ROLE of women in all this, which STUPIDLY perpetuate these source of GENDER INEQUALITY - by still allowing raising little boys who are discourage to be sensitive or acknowledge extreme emotion, raising mommy boys over no doubtly the most devoted love doing every single thing in the house for them until far beyond childwood, not allowing little boys to enter and understand the female and human co-dependency emotional world from a young age - and BY TRYING TO LIVE UP to these beliefs in the first place BY trying to PERPETUATE YOUTHNESS and PHSYCAL BEAUTY  - in other words pimping  to be PREY to MEN.

So its a MENS world still,

but we ( WOMEN ) pretty much ALLOW IT and ENCOURAGE IT.

On Social Capitalism

a BIG ADIEU to you all excellencies

you can pick up your superficial interest and turn right back to where you came from

there is nothing here for your Majesties,
I proudly trade poor on Social Capitalism

I play honesty, instead of polite social common sense ( a BIG ADIEU to that by the way )
I prefer to  spend time with the lonely and socially less desirable

I dont pursue friendships based on the social/ professional capital of the individual
I am sickened by trendiness and fashion

I answer all my emails
I return peoples attention as a belief of politeness
If someone asks me a question, I return a answer, no matter how busy I am
nor no matter if I have a direct interest at the moment to forge contact with that person

If someone does something for me
I am never to busy to thank them

If someone is kind to me
I dont fail to acknowledge that

I dont prey on social hierarchy,
neither I submit myself to it
neither am I tempted to use it as self- validation
or
use that as social-friendship - contact negotiating system

I dont economize my time, effort or generosity
depending how high the persons value is in the Social Capitalism system

I dont trade people socially nor professionally
by economizing my time or effort ( LESS INVESTMENT )
to achieve the higher PROFIT possible ( networking, social or professional favors, helps )


I dont shy to see and say wrong
even if that implies being bankrupted in my social capitalism value ( especially so )
and pissing off pseudo -  relevant people in the system

I dont value people for theyre social or professional networks
and I dont tolerate self-entitlement behavior based on that ( another BIG FUCK to that )


so, in analyzis
based on this underlying system of beliefs we all play for
but deny

I score really low
thank god for that sanity at least

the next time someone flies up to me
dazed by the prospect of some kind of social capitalism allure
( perhaps with social benefits affiliation intentions )
( god knows why )

let me say,

I have no sucessfull friends who rate high in the social capitalism system to spare
I dont hang out with interesting, or trendy people
I have no real interests at the moment apart from truth ( and seems to be a REAL social repellent these days )
I have no career success whatsoever -  and therefore cannot help anyone advancing in this network field
I have no glamourous lifestyle

or in other words,

I will not introduce you to important, cool, relevant, exciting people
( you will not be able to feed on my non- existent social capital hierarchy )
I will not amuse you or remove you from boredom
I will probably not add to make your everyday life more exciting
I will not help you in advacing your career because I lack network resources

that said,
I stripe myself bare to the nakedness of my personality
me, Angela
the living, struggling, being
to who you may or not relate to

in here theres only me
the person
and my belief of truth, equality and generosity
( and no, this word triffle desert  DOES not make me a IDIOT in this SOCIAL CAPITALIST reality we live in but not dare to admit -  it makes me a IDEALIST, a HUMANIST rather than a CAPITALIST being )

and so,
what is my value and what can I give?
what can the other TAKE from me?
not much I am afraid,
apart from
truth and generosity

so,
still interested?

THIS is ECLIPSED CLARITY

May this eclipse pls pass soon, so I can return to sanity.

I have never been a fan of full and new moons -  they always mess up and my sleep
usually, at the most inconvenient times

Since yesterday ( pre-eclipse) I have been blessed with a strain
of consuming energy dreams +  a flu on top
I am on dream-non-stop marathon
and dont seem to have a choice
which sucks really

Eclipses suck -  theyre full on madness, intensity and shadow.

The afternoon dream

always a dance floor ( why?)
uninvited,  coincidental unpleasant encounters
me leaving

I come to the place where Im staying,
is not home
I seem to be traveling or something

my room has been broken in
I look for stolen things

( I do hope this has nothing to do with my trips to Berlin or B.A.)

The room seems to be some sort of accommodation
organized from some authority
to which my staying there is related

I enter and speak to a black lady
she looks like a nurse
there is also a black men looking like a police officer in the room,
which looks like a tiny, disorganized office

As I open my mouth to try to say that my room
had been broken in
the nurse tries to strap me in and wants to force  one me
some sort of injection ( proper madness sanatorium )

she is abs. not listening to what I am saying
and just blind on a mission to sedate me or something

I have to fight hard to break off
but I do

I escape, again
to the street this time

the faceless shirt tall man appears again
its the second time in my life
he appears on my dreams

The first time was before I met Michael

He is taller than me
my head reaches well below his chest
I never see his face
can only feel his presence and hear his voice

he always wears a buttoned shirt
a blue jeans one at the first dream
a summer beige/white in this one

who is he?
what does he represent or conveys in my own personal psyche?
feels like a intimate spiritual and emotional strong bond
( a mentor, a angel?, a soulmate ? )

this time he comes to me
while I avoid a situation
takes me out into the street ( its a pleasant summery end of afternoon day )
holds me, cries with me
and says: let me heal you

drop it, one by one
let me heal you
without anything
drop it

in a kinda of embrace (?)
I dont recognize this man physically
but in the dream I feel I know him

THIS is ASTROLOGY - 1st and 2nd JUNE ECLIPSES in GEMINI - what do they mean

A partial Solar Eclipse occurs on June 1st, 2011, at 5:03 PM EDT at 11 degrees and 2 minutes of Gemini.


 Its effects can be felt up to six months after the actual date of the eclipse. 


In the Mercury-ruled sign of Gemini, communications, daily interactions, and learning will be a strong focus on a personal level. 


This eclipse is simultaneously  about closure and endings as well as new beginnings regarding all of these matters.


This is a time for improving our communication skills by listening to others and enjoying others' points of view, rather than doggedly seeking to find that one "answer"; taking the time to socialize and enjoy others--whether they are neighbors, friends, family, or acquaintances--just for the simple pleasure of doing so; re-evaluating our communication and social skills by questioning just how much we actually take in information, and communicate in a friendly, non-threatening manner; finding new venues for expressing ourselves and for learning by awakening our own curiosity, and refining our writing, speaking, teaching, and listening skills; adding some mental variety to our lives; beginning a new project that involves writing and/or speaking, or that is in the communications field; and for opening our minds to gathering more information and facts from our environment.


Some of Gemini's "lessons" involve learning to be comfortable with people-- putting them at ease, and feeling at ease ourselves. Instead of communicating with others to prove a point, to come up with an answer to problems, or to get our opinions across, Gemini urges us to truly enjoy the moment. 


By consciously tuning in to positive Gemini energy, we learn that there isn't always an answer, and we become comfortable with that idea. 


As we learn to let ourselves truly listen to others, we learn through others simply by being curious, and we improve our social and communication skills at the same time. 


We open our minds to more information, and we learn to truly enjoy the variety of different personalities around us.


With the potent Gemini energy of the Solar Eclipse, we have the chance to make important changes in our lives that will benefit us well beyond this Moon cycle. For some of us, circumstances are such that we need to pay more attention to these matters. 


Flaws in an important system in our lives are revealed around the time of the eclipse, prompting us to redo or to start fresh. 


Something ends in order for something else to start anew. We may be called to give up something in order to move forward into a new chapter in our lives. Although the "new" may be unrecognizable, it is important to allow the necessary surrender to the unknown.

THIS is ASTROLOGY - Lunar ECLIPSES JUNE

2011 has been BIG on eclipses -  the first happening on the 4th of January and widely visible in most parts of the earth.

Between today the 1st and 2nd of June comes the second one - and again its life-changing influence will affect the next 3 years.

Now, eclipses bring essentially endings and closures, like PLUTO its the fumigating lightbolt who strikes to kill so the new can be reborn -  its not a particular pleasant nor peaceful energy to deal with, but its a powerful one ( especially 2011 eclipses) and whether we are ready nor not, welcoming or not CHANGE and UPVEIL will happen - and again TRUTH will come to the top of the class.


For me I know its yet another 2 days of restless dreaming and sleepless nights

What does not kill you makes you stronger

And I welcome everything that I need to my experience, as long as I am alive and well

THIS is PSYCHOLOGY - QUOTE SCRAPBOOK

A track on important passages on my way trough truth

. Feelings  match Thoughts and not the other way around -  so the dynamics are we can change Feelings trough changing our thoughts, but we cannot change Thoughts trough our feelings.

. Thought replacement therapy - stopping negative thoughts patterns trough thought replacement - visualization systems as a form of strengthening positive replacing thoughts.

. Self -esteem and Self-confidence are not the same: a person can have a high level of self confidence and lack self-esteem.

. The 10 common cognitive distortions or faulty thought patterns and coping strategies:

1) All - or - nothing Thinking: taking single negative experiences and transforming them in lifetime self - prophetic patterns.

• John recently applied for a promotion in his firm. The job went to another employee with more experience. John wanted this job badly and now feels that he will never be promoted. He feels that he is a total failure in his career.

This type of thinking is characterized by absolute terms like always, never, and forever. Few situations are ever this absolute. There are generally gray areas. Eliminate these absolute terms from your vocabulary except for the cases where they truly apply. Look for a more accurate description of the situation.

2) Over-generalization: predicting negative experiences, lack of self-belief and likeness, lost of hope, stagnation

• Linda is lonely and often spends most of her time at home. Her friends sometimes ask her to come out for dinner and meet new people. Linda feels that that is it useless to try to meet people. People are all mean and superficial anyway.

• When one overgeneralizes, one takes an isolated case or cases and assumes that all others are the same. Are people really all mean and superficial and could never like her? What about her friends who are trying to get her to go out? Obviously she does have someone who cares about her. The next time you catch yourself overgeneralizing, remind yourself that even though a group of people may share something in common, they are also separate and unique individuals. No two people are exactly the same. There may be mean and superficial people in this world. There may even be people who dislike you. But, not every person will fit this description. By assuming that everyone doesn't like you, you are building a wall that will prevent you from having what you crave the most -- friendship.

3) Mental Filter: retaining and remembering the negative only -  feeding the mind with purely negative experience , disregarding other type of experiences that have a actually happened -  filtering of the negative and retaining it

• Mary is having a bad day. As she drives home, a kind gentleman waves her to go ahead of him as she merges into traffic. Later in her trip, another driver cuts her off. She grumbles to herself that there are nothing but rude and insensitive people in her city.

When a person falls victim to mental filters they are mentally singling out only the bad events in their lives and overlooking the positive. Learn to look for that silver lining in every cloud. It's all about how you choose to let events effect you

4) Disqualifying the positive: someone compliments you in your work, or looks, or talent, but you refuse to acknowledge it -  preferring to believe the source of compliment is wrong than to acknowledge positive traits on yourself ( mainly due to expecation bad management, a way to avoid responsibility and disillusion - if we believe we are good at nothing creates the wrong belief we have nothing to loose )

•  Rhonda just had her portrait made. Her friend tells her how beautiful she looks. Rhonda brushes aside the compliment by saying that the photographer must have touched up the picture. She never looks that good in real life, she thinks.

taking the good in a situation and turning it into a negative. Part of this comes from a tendency to have low self-esteem. We feel like we just don't deserve it. How to turn this around is simple. The next time someone compliments you, resist the little voice inside that says you don't deserve it. Just say "thank you" and smile.

5) Jumping to conclusions: assuming the worst and going back to reinforce beliefs that we are not worth of anything good or positive happening to us

• Chuck is waiting for his date at a restaurant. She's now 20 minutes late. Chuck laments to himself that he must have done something wrong and now she has stood him up. Meanwhile, across town, his date is stuck in traffic.

We expect the worst and begin preparing early for the disappointment. By the time we find out that all our fears were unfounded, we've worked ourselves into a frenzy and for what? Next time do this: Give the person the benefit of the doubt. You'll save yourself a lot of unnecessary worry.

 If your fears have some basis in reality, however, drop that person from your life like a hot potato.

6) Magnification or Minimization: fear of acknowledging  the self worth positive -  fear of responsibility, disillusion and lost - because when we have something good we fear the loss of that status.

• Scott is playing football. He bungles a play that he's been practicing for weeks. He later scores the winning touchdown. His teammates compliment him. He tells them he should have played better; the touchdown was just dumb luck.

Ever looked through a telescope from the wrong direction? Everything looks tinier than it really is. When you look through the other end, everything looks larger. People who fall into the magnification/minimization trap look at all their successes through the wrong end of the telescope and their failures through the other end.

7) Emotional Reasoning: emotional laziness and defeatist attitude

•  Laura looks around her untidy house and feels overwhelmed by the prospect of cleaning. She feels that it's hopeless to even try to clean.

Laura has based her assessment of the situation on how it makes her feel not how it really is. It may make her feel bad to think of the large task ahead of her, but is it really hopeless? In reality, cleaning her house is a doable task. She just doesn't feel up to it. She has reached the conclusion that it is useless to try based on the fact that it overwhelms her.

When a situation feels overwhelming, try this: Break down the task down into smaller ones. Then prioritize what is most important to you. Now, do the first task on your list. Believe it or not, you will begin to feel better and ready for more. The important thing is to just do somethingtowards your goal. No matter how small, it's a start and will break you out of feeling helpless.

8) Should statements:

• David is sitting in his doctor's waiting room. His doctor is running late. David sits stewing, thinking, "With how much I'm paying him, he should be on time. He ought to have more consideration." He ends up feeling bitter and resentful.

We all think things should be a certain way, but let's face it, they aren't. Concentrate on what you can change and if you can't change it, accept it as part of life and go on. Your mental health is more important than "the way things should be."

9) Labeling and Mislabeling:

• Donna just cheated on her diet. I'm a fat, lazy pig, she thinks.

10) Personalization:

• Jean's son is doing poorly in school. She feels that she must be a bad mother. She feels that it's all her fault that he isn't studying.