. Feelings match Thoughts and not the other way around - so the dynamics are we can change Feelings trough changing our thoughts, but we cannot change Thoughts trough our feelings.
. Thought replacement therapy - stopping negative thoughts patterns trough thought replacement - visualization systems as a form of strengthening positive replacing thoughts.
. Self -esteem and Self-confidence are not the same: a person can have a high level of self confidence and lack self-esteem.
. The 10 common cognitive distortions or faulty thought patterns and coping strategies:
1) All - or - nothing Thinking: taking single negative experiences and transforming them in lifetime self - prophetic patterns.
- John recently applied for a promotion in his firm. The job went to another employee with more experience. John wanted this job badly and now feels that he will never be promoted. He feels that he is a total failure in his career.
This type of thinking is characterized by absolute terms like always, never, and forever. Few situations are ever this absolute. There are generally gray areas. Eliminate these absolute terms from your vocabulary except for the cases where they truly apply. Look for a more accurate description of the situation.
2) Over-generalization: predicting negative experiences, lack of self-belief and likeness, lost of hope, stagnation
- Linda is lonely and often spends most of her time at home. Her friends sometimes ask her to come out for dinner and meet new people. Linda feels that that is it useless to try to meet people. People are all mean and superficial anyway.
- When one overgeneralizes, one takes an isolated case or cases and assumes that all others are the same. Are people really all mean and superficial and could never like her? What about her friends who are trying to get her to go out? Obviously she does have someone who cares about her. The next time you catch yourself overgeneralizing, remind yourself that even though a group of people may share something in common, they are also separate and unique individuals. No two people are exactly the same. There may be mean and superficial people in this world. There may even be people who dislike you. But, not every person will fit this description. By assuming that everyone doesn't like you, you are building a wall that will prevent you from having what you crave the most -- friendship.
3) Mental Filter: retaining and remembering the negative only - feeding the mind with purely negative experience , disregarding other type of experiences that have a actually happened - filtering of the negative and retaining it
- Mary is having a bad day. As she drives home, a kind gentleman waves her to go ahead of him as she merges into traffic. Later in her trip, another driver cuts her off. She grumbles to herself that there are nothing but rude and insensitive people in her city.
When a person falls victim to mental filters they are mentally singling out only the bad events in their lives and overlooking the positive. Learn to look for that silver lining in every cloud. It's all about how you choose to let events effect you
4) Disqualifying the positive: someone compliments you in your work, or looks, or talent, but you refuse to acknowledge it - preferring to believe the source of compliment is wrong than to acknowledge positive traits on yourself ( mainly due to expecation bad management, a way to avoid responsibility and disillusion - if we believe we are good at nothing creates the wrong belief we have nothing to loose )
- Rhonda just had her portrait made. Her friend tells her how beautiful she looks. Rhonda brushes aside the compliment by saying that the photographer must have touched up the picture. She never looks that good in real life, she thinks.
taking the good in a situation and turning it into a negative. Part of this comes from a tendency to have low self-esteem. We feel like we just don't deserve it. How to turn this around is simple. The next time someone compliments you, resist the little voice inside that says you don't deserve it. Just say "thank you" and smile.
5) Jumping to conclusions: assuming the worst and going back to reinforce beliefs that we are not worth of anything good or positive happening to us
- Chuck is waiting for his date at a restaurant. She's now 20 minutes late. Chuck laments to himself that he must have done something wrong and now she has stood him up. Meanwhile, across town, his date is stuck in traffic.
We expect the worst and begin preparing early for the disappointment. By the time we find out that all our fears were unfounded, we've worked ourselves into a frenzy and for what? Next time do this: Give the person the benefit of the doubt. You'll save yourself a lot of unnecessary worry.
If your fears have some basis in reality, however, drop that person from your life like a hot potato.
6) Magnification or Minimization: fear of acknowledging the self worth positive - fear of responsibility, disillusion and lost - because when we have something good we fear the loss of that status.
- Scott is playing football. He bungles a play that he's been practicing for weeks. He later scores the winning touchdown. His teammates compliment him. He tells them he should have played better; the touchdown was just dumb luck.
Ever looked through a telescope from the wrong direction? Everything looks tinier than it really is. When you look through the other end, everything looks larger. People who fall into the magnification/minimization trap look at all their successes through the wrong end of the telescope and their failures through the other end.
7) Emotional Reasoning: emotional laziness and defeatist attitude
- Laura looks around her untidy house and feels overwhelmed by the prospect of cleaning. She feels that it's hopeless to even try to clean.
Laura has based her assessment of the situation on how it makes her feel not how it really is. It may make her feel bad to think of the large task ahead of her, but is it really hopeless? In reality, cleaning her house is a doable task. She just doesn't feel up to it. She has reached the conclusion that it is useless to try based on the fact that it overwhelms her.
When a situation feels overwhelming, try this: Break down the task down into smaller ones. Then prioritize what is most important to you. Now, do the first task on your list. Believe it or not, you will begin to feel better and ready for more. The important thing is to just do somethingtowards your goal. No matter how small, it's a start and will break you out of feeling helpless.
8) Should statements:
- David is sitting in his doctor's waiting room. His doctor is running late. David sits stewing, thinking, "With how much I'm paying him, he should be on time. He ought to have more consideration." He ends up feeling bitter and resentful.
We all think things should be a certain way, but let's face it, they aren't. Concentrate on what you can change and if you can't change it, accept it as part of life and go on. Your mental health is more important than "the way things should be."
9) Labeling and Mislabeling:
- Donna just cheated on her diet. I'm a fat, lazy pig, she thinks.
10) Personalization:
- Jean's son is doing poorly in school. She feels that she must be a bad mother. She feels that it's all her fault that he isn't studying.
