There are definitely x high light points that condense this weekend for me - things that jumped higher, things that stayed with me, habited my head, made me think - those are the ones worth mentioning:
1 - Tino Seghal workshop - what you said was interesting (!) - what is your name (?)
The beginning of T.S. workshop at the southbank wk, started with a simple group movement instruction - where the aprox. 80 participants had to form a circle and keep it not only moving back and forward trough the room while keeping in permanent moving themselves and on top of that each one of us had to do a self presentation about u we where to the group and/ or listen to the other presentations. You will be amazed actually how distractive the mind can be while just speaking or listening and easily forgets bigger role we were all playing by forming a self moving circle shape.
Interestingly, mostly everyone chose to present themselves associating to theyre work or careers: I am a dancer, I do this, I do that, I am this , I am that - few chose words like : I like to, I love to - and most certainly no one used self negation as form of self identification.
I start to feel really uncomfortable with what to me always it seems a little like a somehow a attempt of creativity vanity parade - but most disturbing for me was to see so clearly , even in the arts fields - the strong bond between work and self identification / value - so we supposed to be what we do - our careers, what we chose to to with our means of living ? out success as human beings pretty much asphyxiated to the ignorant simplicity of success or failure in our careers - this is a concept I became less than friends of this year - actually my position on this matter is very self assertive - I REFUSE to use career as a form of self identification, as as kind of status selling badge to make more interesting, attractive or salable to others and the world outside.
Another interesting tough that cross my mind - I observe my feelings and how I was reacting to this all scene - I became suddenly very self protective about me, what I was doing, what I have done before workwise - as in this questions kept on popping in my mind: why? why should I share with this group of strangers ( with who I didn't seem to particularly to connect emphatically ) who I am , where I was and where I am right now in my life ? This sudden flush of unkindness, particular to me - seemed unrational - but it was there, making a really strong emotional stand: the truth was I did not wanted to share myself and most importantly I did not wanted to use CAREER or WORK to present myself and to define me .
Not for lack of career diversity or achievement : I could have said : I studied ballet for 12 years, them I had a injury and swapped to fashion, where I worked for 9 years all over the world as a fashion designer - now I take photography, movement performance and fine art modeling as work - but if I did - that would not be truthful at all - and especially, deep in my belief, it would SAY NOTHING at ALL of who I AM - better not to say anything I concluded - but that was not a option - as everyone has to speak.
So, when my time came to speak - I decided, as I always do, to simplify and flow my deepest belief in LIFE - TRUTH.
I chose to share my name, that I lived in London, that I have a interest in movement performance - that I have chosen recently to abstain indefinitely from pursuing a career in an field and that I did a lot of other creative things with my free time. I was happy with my answer - it was entirely truthful and deeply revealing of who I am as a human being and where I was in life - so I thought to myself I excelled in answering the presentation brief - with little , I actually saied a lot about me, not as performer, or artist, or career functional citizen - but what matters to me most - but as a individual human being : Angela.
Just one answer in 80 - one presentation among the group - but it was mine, it was me, in a masked way a very vulnerable presentation- to those who could have the eyes to ear.
The next workshop day, Tino S. the man himself, directs his attention to me and says: what you saied yesterday about yourself was interesting - but I want to know more - I like to know the people I am working with - what is your name again? He understood perfectly my intention - and accidentally here my ability to be truthful in all occasions to who I am and to what I believe, actually worked for me as a kind of highlighter - its very self boosting having someone wit the intellect like T.S. to adress you personally, to notice your presence and to be interested in your mind.
This lead me to another reflection - interesting, that seems to be a word others like to sue to describe me - I must say, being unnoticed or forgotten has never really been a problem - people seem to notice and remembering me strongly, even without any apparent effort of my part - its still a mystery to me - people I dont remember greet me, I will be the silent presence in a new group and people will ask me where I from, what do I do - sometimes is uncomfortable and mostly still these days I realize this as skill, but I still have no idea what do to with it.
So I am interesting, so what ? what will that do for me - app-art from transforming in in a temp. source of interest to someone? Being interesting actually has a stealing quality, a passing by attention like a exotic object or animal is display - people stay, stare, express fascination for a moment and them leave.
I became with the years, actually not liking the feeling of being a source of interest - its pretty selfish from other I think - its like a rude guest who enters your house, smiles, takes your favorite food and leave whiteout a word, leaving you speechless.
Most people will like to be seen as interesting - I dont - and so these days I really ration the amount of me I chose give away to strangers - who I am as a person ( interesting or not is not the point ) is my own private, very valuable asset and its is def, not out there for people to peek in gratuitely out of entertainment.
Anyway, it felt most very flattering having T.S. addressing me in my views on life and identity personally - but as soon as I acknowledge this feeling of ego infatuation - immediately I see the pointless of such feeling and in way avoiding a embarrassing situation - and again I question further status - creativity and identity:
why would I feel so self conscious by the fact of being noticed by T. S. ?
its it because of his genius or his creative/artistic status ?
My choice - I still decide to want to relate to people as individuals first - and as much as possible leave status, career, celebrity and success not be a part of the connecting equation.
2 - Tino Sehgal - human swarms, choreographically and our real life society human experience these days
Trying to choreograph a human swarm movement with he group, based on 3 simple rules - instructions. How do birds and fish do it, so naturally - all those individuals moving and creating a source of intelligent movement itself - the swarm - that when successful, becomes itself a third identity, simultaneously constituted by all those separate individuals and at the same time breaking free of them, surpassing its own components and becoming a live source of its own - its a fascinating natural movement that know can be seen as well in social/ human scale in our lives - ex. the internet itself become probably the most relevant form of social/emotional / mind human swarm these days.
Also another point brought into attention in the workshop - very interesting - was the individual role and feeling in these modern days forms of swarms - the duality between being human sense of individuality and group - how these two interact and how one's movements affects the other - like in a nature swarm.
The very real existing conflict these days on living individuality experience to the extreme ( as a society we have never been so supportive of individuality as in our current days ) and on the other way, being lost in that same individuality : feeling alone, disconnected with others ( the world) - as brilliant explain by T.S. - " feeling no power - feeling that my actions affect no one " - the EXACT contrary experience of the SWARM where every individuals movement/action affects the all group - the MAXIMUM effect of being connected.
Fascinating.
3 - Tino Sehgal - concept of arrival
Another of the workshops questions / instructions - was to share as a form of performance confession - a important place in our lives where we felt truly we arrived somewhere.
T.S. is obviously a skilled human reader - he seems fascinated with people and dwelling deeper into apparent simple answers - he manages to go deeper and create relevant explanatory links to modern days social/human experience - in a way, maybe one could say he is in a true sense a REAL LIFE/ REAL people artist - instead of creating with tools like paint, brushes, or even bodys ( dancers) - he seems to chose a much more complex and therefore fascinating creative tool - the human being, the individual, so most of its work have a very relevant and interesting social / human context.
In a strange way, i felt like a mice in a mind laboratory that I could clearly feel as T.S. mind - a interesting experience - one is really forced to lose Ego - and actually I felt most strongly a sense of group that I rarely felt in other workshops - he seems to have that skill in working with people - his creative tools.
One of the most interesting points that T. S. highlighted was that to some people ( me inclusive ) , the feeling of arriving somewhere was deeply associated with an ending - as if we could not identify a arrival without a departure, a beginning without a end.
4 - Tino Seghal - artistic/ celebrity status and identity - whos time is more important ?
I asked T.S. if I could add his answers to my project 100 people, 200 answers - he seemed briefly interested in to know more about my work - but a immediate refusal to have his photo taken in any form I shape ( I was very much expecting this, all his work ethos is very non documentary - but as in my belief - you always try).
I did not get a no or a yes - I got a maybe.
The workshop finished and a uncomfortable waiting for a maybe email became really insightful - why was I waiting for a maybe email ? It would have been wonderful of course to have been able to include someone of artistic relevance like T.S. in my little project - the opportunity was there and so I have done what was on my reach - I asked. That was a choice on my power to ask or not to ask - and so I chose to ask.
While waiting, in the typical scenario of a celebrity surrounded by people wanting some attention - I felt awkward - and suddenly I had to ask myself - why I am here waiting for something that might not come ?
Most people would have mostly waited, patiently, played the game big artist - humble admirer game - but it really did not felt right for me - I actually felt I was loosing my time - and so the question to myself: who's time is here more important? the answer came clearly to me: MY TIME is more important FOR ME - so thankfully and satisfied with all the workshop experience I left, without answers or email.
I realize the danger of my behavior, one might think is arrogant or pretensions - but is not -is really just my belief - people are people to me - now matter what theyre achievements are - and this will always be the way I will chose to relate to them - why would my time be less worth than the one of the accomplished artist ? I didnt see why.
5 - Encountering Adam again - a peak into dance graduations dilemmas
And as in the last T.S. rearchal at the TATE I saw Adam again - which was quite nice - he is a nice face to re-see and it was interesting to hear a little about his graduation dilemmas - I am so glad I dont have to put up with those kind of things, to be honest.
Thankfully this time we managed to exchanged contact's - there is a visible kindness I naturally like - and I would like - also because of the body difference It would be interesting to explore this in some ind of movement impro.
6 - The speechless, nervous japanese boy
There was a japanese young boy at the workshop - maybe in is ealry 20s - with very black curly hair - I took interest in the hair, because it was so curly and for some strange reason I dont associate japanese people with natural curly hair. I like curly hair, makes you wanna play with it - hide things on it.
When paired in a impro. he came to me and while supposed to to the exercise confession - something awkward but very sweet in a boyish way happened - when standing in front of me he lost he speech and forgot what he had to say - only small big open black eyes looking at me nervously- and them of course the typical japanese sea of sorrys, sorry, sorry - I forgot my words :))) - it was really sweet
With a little of my help, we got back to the exercise and he managed to do the confession to me - "what is that you unlike the most " - also his very japanese answer, made me smile - his answer was: " ... I am always very busy and I always have a plan - when I am not busy or I dont follow my plan I dont like.. " - very Japanese answer, I said and smiled
Thank you he replied and in fear asked me where are you from ?
Kinda of sweet. Boys.
7- Xavier le Roy - public guest asks: why is everyone in your performance from a white ethnic background only ?
Went seeing Xavier le Roy Uk premiere performance of Empty Landscapes - well, empty content for me to. I was totally disarranged from the beginning to end, and unf. only highlights I took from the show were not particularly positive I must say.
The piece itself, it linked me to nothing apart from the naked bodies of the all white and majority older males - younger females performers - it did not make me think about anything, it did not make me link the piece to anything relevant - It did made me think although imagine how well social skilled Xavir le Roy must be, it made me imagine how can someone with this kind of work be so famous? Made imagine how socially skilled he may be to be featured and his piece as one of the most CREATIVE pieces and performers set of our times (!) - uau - made me think this guy must have a lot of SAVOUR FAIRE - of course this is only my modest opinion.
The most exciting part of the performance was when a public audience asked why all the 8 performers were all from a White Ethnic background ( I have a clue - maybe because the director is tres French? )
The answer surprisingly did not came from the choreographer himself, but from one of the young pretty things female performers: she answered: for no reason at all, we are just a group of people who likes to work togheter - to which I felt like replying: so, could this possibly mean that WHITE people like to work with WHITE people?
Another challenging question to the performers was why was there a older male performing naked and not a older women naked performing too ? the answer again, coming not from the choreographer, explained apologetically, that this was a rotating group, that they do have a female older performer, but that she was just not in at this night performance - ( did anyone believed in that ) ?
The all piece lacked content immense I thought and in a very French way I though- visually it was sophisticated and very beautiful - a visual and compositional feast attempt - yes the performers all naked, all more or less tall, more or less same white skin colour, the women were beautiful - the movement was fresh but beautiful - yes BEAUTIFUL seems to be the most kind word I can find to describe it - but it failed to go behind that totally - or otherwise I as a viewer failed totally to be able to see trough that.
Very french ?
Interesting.
9 - People are annoying - desperate audience for a role, or some kind of presence - trying to be smart - trying to impress
All of these big high stream events, unf. for me always come with the annoying arty people - so most of the times I just try to see the show, speak to a few of kind faces and get out of there as soon as possible. I just have really low patience for meaningless presumption, arrogance and effect without content. No time, no patiente and in a way, each time I see someone trying to say something smart, to be noticed - I feel really embarrassed for them - its strange and awkward feeling - pitiable to some point the hungry arty audience all wanting a little piece of stage themselves.
Pls dont try - its embarrassing.
And of course some photos - few and sneaked in - because for some reason - artist still do not welcome photography very much.
Tino Sehgal workshop room
scratch on the mirror
Tino Sehgal workshop room
scratch on the mirror - second view
Tino Sehgal workshop room
almost clear feet - free of blood
Tino Sehgal workshop room
view over the the Thames
